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Fanon:Taddles's Fanon Challenge: Move Aside, Zutara

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Katara defeated
Move Aside, Zutara
Please! No more! No more shipping!
General information
Genre

Comedy

Creator(s)

RageOfFluffy

Chapters

One-shot

Country/Language

English

Production
Writer(s)

RageOfFluffy

Editor(s)

RageOfFluffy

Alas 'twas a dark and stormy night. Thunder grumbled and rain poured sweetly as the bluish glow from my computer screen faintly alighted the dark room. I was at peace, quietly perusing the vast web, all its... Knowledge... Of course, I wasn't getting very far in viewing the knowledge since South African internet hosting companies lie to their clients about... Well, South Africa lies to its people about everything quite the same.

But 'tis a tale not of the politics of a poorly run country, no, 'tis a tale of love. A love that knows no bounds, no, no bounds. A love wider than the widest ocean, higher than the tallest mount, deeper that any great gorge, sweeter than nectar, and more corrupt than an ANC politician. This love came forth, birthed out of the seedy underbelly of a fandom. This love was shipping. But ho, this tale is of a ship even more canon than Kataang, even brighter than Zutara, more debatable than Harutara, more psychotic than Jetara, and more mis-shaped than Meelo's head. This magnificent ship would forever be known as Metara... Sorry, I fear for my safety from the South African government and Katara fans if I release my true name. I shall rather be known simply as Me.

Now as the gentle rain pattered against Me's windows, a very one's duct-tape finish leaking ever so slightly, Me felt Me's self drifting into a sleep... But... AVAST!

"Avast virus database has been updated." Me's computer spoke, it's female voice so mangled and cliché, it was the voice of nightmares... It refused Me Me's sleep...

Me sighed, picking up Me's empty tea cup. Me was saddened by the sight of single droplets at the bottom of that ceramic abyss. The aroma of green tea and a squirt of lemon juice still clung to its walls.

"Oh what shall I do?" Me thought aloud, but not so loud as to disturb the idiots who find it necessary to set up their stalls and play there music at unspeakable hours right across Me's abode. Oh dear me... Oh poor Me...

Now Me was tiered but deprived of sleep due to malfunctioning anti-virus software and an overdose of knowledge. Me so longed for sleep, for Me was tired and had experienced a long day of unproductive job-hunting, mod.-hunting, retrying installations of cache files due to cyclic redundancy error checks, and visiting a very chatty extra-math teacher... Me sighed once more...

Alas, Me remembers little of what transpired next, but what Me does recall involves Russian mail-order brides, a member of the Nigerian royal family, some cheese and crackers, and some very fruity language... But ho, Me awoke! To this day Me does not know why, but for some reason, a side-effect of trekking this great... Trek... Was the frying of most of Me's skin-cells. At the time, Me was still wearing Me's long-sleeved khaki printless shirt and hand woven Nepali beige pants... Probably the work of a sweatshop somewhere in the Himalayas... Another one of Me's key traits, was how Me was barefoot. Me detests shoes, the only pair Me owns being a pair of mangled and compulsory school foot-prisons. Me's attire would later make him fit right in and be viewed as a peasant from the Earth Kingdom. The Earth Kingdom. A glorious nation in one of Me's favorite shows... But so his attire made him fit right in, and luckily due to a recent and feeble film adaptation attempt, his seemingly Arian appearance remained largely unnoticed...

Me was so happy when Me saw a young women fight off another with a stream of water. It was what Me had always dreamed of. A genuine girl-on-girl fight! Of course, Me realized that this could mean only one thing, Me was in the great universe of the Avatar... And not the blue monkeys! The Waterbending was self-explanatory and quite frankly, irrelevant.

What a sight to behold! Me was quite content with what Me saw. Three beautiful women... Unfortunately there was another, unwanted oaf. What Me only then realized was that Me was there, watching Mai, Ty Lee, and Katara battle it out! Sokka didn't count, no double x-chromosome and all... But she stuck out to Me. It was Katara. Oh Katara.

"She must be a full-fledged ship captain by now." Me mumbled and gave Me's self a high-five and an L-O-L... "Lol."

News of Me's advent in that world spread fast and far, reaching such places as remote as the South Pole.

Public Service Announcement: The previous sentence is an elaborate Haiku, ranging 5-7-5-7... If this is correct, Me is unsure.

Now the Southern Water Tribe, Katara's home, was abuzz with news of my arrival, why they did what they did will remain a mystery to all. But as cliché and anti-climax dictates, this fic must end soon, in a brief explanation of what occurred next, since the writer lacks the creativity to continue, and how Me subsequently woke up in front of his computer, screen aglow with eerie blue... That voice still as twisted as ever... And Katara...

Oh Katara...

What transpired I cannot speak of, let's just put it this way: Zutara, move aside!

Author's Notes

Sadly, this is roughly based on my day. Job and mod hunting, chatty extra-math teacher, sunburn, my loathing of shoes, my clothing, my love of tea, my Sims 3 game throwing errors left, right, and centre... Pathetic indeed...

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For the collective works of the author, go here.

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