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|More from Minnichi||Random/Comedy||PG||n/a||Oneshot|
| || And this is Katara, my flying sister.
This article is considered humorous and should not be treated too seriously.
July 18, 2013
A Few Notes
- This is my entry for oneshot competition. There's prizes! You should join ;) 's
- Pu-on Tim is the writer of The Boy in the Iceberg - Ember Island Players' edition, that is.
- No, I am not competing for prizes (because I sponsored them). I just felt like it.
- Word count: 1,000.
Pu-on Tim steps down from his polished carriage, stretching out his stiff, meaty limbs. He gives a loud, unattractive yawn, the kind that stretches your mouth so wide that your tongue flopping around inside is visible to the whole world. Some of the passerby's have a double-take upon noticing it; they quickly stride past as if wishing they didn't see anything.
But the playwright could care less for those commoners. He's travelled here all the way from the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se, the finest spot of the finest city in the world. He has graced Gaoling with his presence for a purpose: He must know more about the Blind Bandit.
Tim can't help feeling intimidated by the looming shadow of the earthbender towering over him. He's forced himself to sit through the entirety of this so-called 'Earth Rumble' tournament, nearly being flattened under chunks of stone at some point – just for a chance to talk to the contestants after the show.
"The Boulder does not wish to speak of his experiences with the Blind Bandit," declares the huge, muscly man peering down at him. The green-gold champion's belt gleams from below his bare abs, and his enormous arms rest upon its sides. "If you are not here to grovel in The Boulder's victory, then The Boulder suggests you get out of his sight!"
"W-wait, Mr. Boulder!" calls the playwright, reaching out towards the bulky earthbender as the man turns on his heel and begins stomping away. "You don't understand – I'm writing a play! A masterpiece! I intend to title it 'The Boy in the Iceberg.'"
The word "play" only seems to further disinterest the earthbender as he scoffs and continues walking.
Tim grits his teeth as he waddles along. "I have come here from the grand city of Ba Sing Se! This play has been approved by Sir Long Feng himself!" (Well, if excessive pestering and harassing Dai Li agents to the point of them begging the Cultural Minister to send Tim away counts – but those are all minor details.) "This will be the spectacle of the century!" the playwright continues stubbornly, huffing to catch his breath. "Just tell me – please, is it true that the Blind Bandit, the unrivaled champion of this tournament...is only 12 years old?"
His nostrils flaring, the earthbender wheels back around. "The Boulder believes you have much nerve to test his patience!" There's a sudden pause. "But if you truly must know..." He lowers his face with such a dark, peculiar expression. "The Blind Bandit is...uh..." His eyes dart about the room as he pauses again.
"She's...an extremely powerful girl, you fool!" The Boulder exclaims, rather frantically. "A – huge, frightening, powerful girl beyond all imagination!" His eyes keep darting nervously about the room as he clears his throat.
The playwright is surprised, but intrigued. "Hmm...strange for a 12-year-old, but that does fit the rumors I've heard of her earthbending abilities..." He strokes both his chins in deep thought.
"Of course it does!" The Boulder shouts indignantly. He glances down at his bulky arms. "Don't you know? The Blind Bandit is – a monster! A giant! Bigger than...uh..." He suddenly flexes all of his muscles, raising his massive biceps into the air. "Bigger than...The Boulder himself!"
Tim gasps as he shrinks beneath the earthbender's shadow. "Bigger than The Boulder?"
"Much bigger! Terrifying! The Boulder is – but a PEBBLE in her eyes!"
"Holy Mother of Faces!" cries the playwright, clasping a hand over his chest. He suddenly scrunches his face. "Wait, in 'her eyes?' I thought she was blind –"
"YOU KNOW WHAT THE BOULDER MEANS!" bellows the earthbender, flexing his muscles so much that the veins begin to pop out.
"I-I won't doubt it!" Tim squeaks, shrinking even further beneath the towering earthbender. His trembling fingers pull out an expensive, pre-inked quill and begin jotting it all down. "So, to clarify once more..." he mumbles slightly to himself. "I must cast a big, strong actress for the role of the Blind Bandit, Toph Beifong – well no, most likely requires an actor for this amount of muscle –"
"Toph Beifong...?" The Boulder looks confused, as if he's never heard of her before.
Looking up from his notes, the playwright raises a brow. "That...is her name, right?"
"Of...OF COURSE IT IS!" The Boulder gives a terrifying stomp of his foot that causes Tim to lose balance again. "Because it sounds like 'Tough!'"
"...And that's just what she is. Tough."
Tim stares back at the men's shadowy faces. His journey has led him back to Ba Sing Se, his home city... And the earthbenders he fears most in the world – the Dai Li – have just validated his notes. Without hesitation.
It's true. The frightening Blind Bandit has once beaten down an entire organization of master earthbenders within minutes. And it all makes so much sense.
She has to be a monster.
"T-thank you, sir – both of you." Tim bows before his superiors. "I believe I have attained almost all the necessary information...but will you allow me one more question?"
"There's an aspect of the Blind Bandit that I have never once understood." Tim inhales deeply. "How does she manage so many victories...without being able to see?" The agents clench their fists. "I-I don't mean to undermine your abilities! Please! I just wish to know the mystery behind her strength."
Silence. And then...
"She releases a sonic wave from her mouth."
They are deadpan serious.
"A...sonic wave?" Tim widens his eyes.
"Yes. Every time she attacks."
"It's how she sees us. It's terrifying."
"Oh...my...Dear Spirits..." the playwright begins. "It... IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!"
The agents give a subtle sigh of relief.
"It all makes sense! How else could she...well, defeat –"
"Are you done, peasant?"
"Yes! Thank you so much!"
As he runs off gleefully, Tim doesn't see the uniformed men slowly hanging their heads in the distance. He only knows one thing.
Toph Beifong is a living legend.
- This oneshot is actually based on a random project I started on fanfiction.net long ago, detailing the adventures of Pu-on Tim and what led to all his crazy logic for his play. It was a result of a massive writer's block for . The style is purposely completely different as a way to "refresh" my brain. Too much angst just wears ya down after a while!
- If you're actually crazy enough to want to know about that fanfiction.net project, it can be found here. To give you an idea of its randomness, I'll mention that it includes a cameo from my OC, Agent Yuhan Tsen...tripping over a cabbage.
For the collective works of the author, go here.