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|Some Si Wong in the Desert|
Some Si Wong in the Desert
December 22, 2014
Wang Fire in Space
I know this series is silly and badly written, but I simply write it down the way I would tell it, and that is without much thought or time. It is not like the pieces I actually publish in magazines, with which I spend lots of time revising and fixing and making sure the wording is just right, The Adventures of Wang Fire is only silliness, the kind of things I tell my little sisters. I hope you enjoy my silly side.
Some Si Wong in the Desert
Rain pattered on the roofs of Air Temple Island like a million tiny spirits in a band. A young Bumi stared boringly out the window. He was waiting for his uncle Sokka, who had come everyday so far to tell him a story. But today he wasn't there. Just then Bumi's mother, Katara walked through the sitting room on her way to the kitchen. "Mom..." Bumi began. Katara stopped and turned to her son. "When is uncle Sokka coming?"
She frowned. "I'm afraid he can't make it today, Bumi. He has a meeting with the council." Bumi sighed sadly. "But don't worry honey, he'll be here tomorrow to tell you a story." Katara kissed her son and continued her chores.
"Bumi, Bumi!" Kya shouted as she ran to his side. "Is Uncle Sokka here yet!?"
"No. Momma says he's not coming today."
Kya pouted. "Well that's too bad. You want to come outside and watch me practice my waterbending?"
"No, Kya! I don't want to watch you waterbend!" Bumi said madly.
"You're just angry because you can't bend, so you want to ruin it for me!"
"When I get older!" Bumi shouted. "I'm moving somewhere where it never rains and there are never any waterbenders!"
Kya raised her eyebrows and put her little hands on her hips. "And where would you go? The desert!?"
Bumi paused for a moment and thought it over. "Yes! I would go to the desert!"
"Ha!" Kya exclaimed in a victorious tone. "There are sandbenders in the desert! No matter where you go there will be benders!"
"That's just fine, because I bet no one talks as much as you! Especially sandbenders!" Bumi shouted and then smiled. Kya's face turned red and she jumped on her older brother, punching and biting him as they rolled on the floor. "Mom! Mom! Kya is attacking me again!"
Katara ran into the room and pulled her daughter off of her son. "I swear! You two-oh you two are just! Ahhh" And with that she left. "No more fighting!" came her voice as it echoed from another room.
Bumi turned to Kya. "I bet Wang Fire could survive in the desert!"
"Oh yeah!?" Kya exclaimed with attitude.
After defeating the evil vegetarian Fire Lord. Wang Fire knew that he had done everything he could in the Fire Nation. He was bored, because there was nothing else to beat up! He heard there were some bad guys in the Si Wong Desert, so he shanghai'd himself over seas and joined the Fire Nation Foreign Legion!
"Bumi?" Kya said. "What is...Shanghai'd?"
Bumi rubbed his chin. "I don't know, I made it up."
"Well then what does Legion mean?"
"It means a lot of people." Bumi smiled, proud of his knowledge.
"How many people!?"
"I don't know, at least fifty."
Once Wang Fire arrived, they became fifty-one people! No one stood a chance against Private Wang Fire! For weeks they journeyed through the mountains until they finally saw the great Si Wong desert! Somewhere out there, was a library, and in that library was a book, and in that book was the world's greatest comic strip. Their mission? To retrieve it for the comic loving general. It would dangerous, but Wang Fire loved danger!
They stopped in a little town called misty palms where they watered their rhinos. Wang Fire went into the bar to see if he could get a drink worthy of his stomach. The placed smell like sweat went for a dance with a skunk bear, and they both rolled in sand, it was like cologne to a real man's nose. "I want the strongest drink you got!" Wang said loudly. The music in the bar stopped and every muscled man in there stared at Wang Fire.
"The strongest drink we have is reserved only for strongest guy in here." The bartender said. "You can't have on unless he says you can."
"I can have it." Wang Fire exclaimed. "There, the strongest man in here just gave me permission!" Wang smiled coolly. A quiet murmur rose out of the room, and the biggest man in there stood up. "Have you come to challenge Wang Fire?" Wang laughed.
"No." The big man replied. "My brother has." The big man stepped aside and behind him stood a man no taller than three feet.
"I've come to challenge you." The little man said in a deep bass voice. "I may not be the strongest man in here. But I've got the strongest palette."
"Let's see what you've got," said Wang as he watched the little man climb onto a bar stool.
"Get a glass of my drink for me and this stranger here." The little man told the bartender.
The bartender pulled out the ingredients and started mixing them all together. "Skunk bear urine, a little bit of Pythoconda blood, a pinch of rotten fish, a big ole dash of mummified toe jam, a little bit of sand, spirit spit and a jigger of cactus juice mixed with beer." The bartender poured two glasses and slid them to the men. The little man drank his in a gulp. He was unphased by it. Wang Fire drank his also in a gulp. He smiled at the finish.
"You've got quite a stomach there." The little man said. "But can you take something a little harder? Bartender, give us the mystery juice!" The bartender eyes went wide, but he listened to the little man. He slid them both a glass of black liquid. It bubbled and even whispered. And it was on fire. "Let's see if you can take this!" The little man laughed. They both took it down in a gulp.
Wang Fire smiled. "My turn to choose." The entire bar went silent with anticipation. "Bartender..." Wang began. Ever vain poppin' body builder in the place sat on the edge of their seat. "Give me a milk...In a dirty glass." There was a sudden shock of awe that fell on the place. The little man sat with eyes wide open as the bartender slid the two men their drinks with shaking hands.
Wang Fire drank his down in another single gulp. Everyone in the room went "Whoah..." There was another silence as they watched the little man. He stared into the white liquid like it was a spirit abyss of death. He eyed the tiny particles of uncleansed bacteria that floated to and fro with larger pieces of god knows what that were left on the inside of the glass.
"I can't do it!" He cried. Everyone in the bar began to murmur. "You win stranger. I give all the respect I have to you."
"I would take it, but I've already got enough." Wang Fire replied.
The next day they headed into the desert, but what they did not know was that rhinos are made for sand...So they all died. Every man in the legion thought they were gonna die, and they weren't wrong for thinking that, because not too long after they had been stranded, a giant sand shark burst out of ground. The men ran and screamed for their lives. But not Wang Fire. He stood his ground. One of the men shot an arrow at the beast and caused it to bleed. Wang Fire smelt the blood and his eyes turned black. He jumped at the beast and punched it square in the nose. It cried out in pain with an agonizing roar and just as it tried to slither back into the sand, Wang Fire grabbed it by the tail and pulled it out. Wang jumped on its back and rode it like a wild ostrich horse until the beast finally realized it couldn't buck Wang Fire off. It stopped jumping and sat still on the sand. Wang Fire helped the other men onto its back and they rode it to the center of the desert.
The men began to cry out when they noticed a giant tower sticking out of the sand. "The Library! We've found it!" Wang directed the sand shark to the tower and everyone hopped off once they were there. It was an enormous structure, but everyone knew that there was more to be seen beneath the surface. The men pulled out their climbing gear and climbed to the top. Wang Fire was the first man inside. It was dark and every man lit a torch to guide themselves.
"It will be in the humor section." Wang Fire whispered. The men tread softly but that did not stop Wan Shi Tong, the owl spirit from finding them.
"How dare you enter my library humans!" He screeched. "Leave or you will breath your last!"
"But we can stay if we tell you something you don't know!" Wang Fire exclaimed.
The owl spirit paused. "Very well, but prepare to die. "I know ten thousand things." Wang smiled and whispered into the ears of his men.
The owl turned to one man. "What do you know, that I do not?"
They looked at Wang in fear, Wang smiled and signaled for him to answer. "My name!" The man said to Wan Shi Tong
"What!" The Owl said.
"What is my name!?" The man asked.
"This is absurd, how would I know that!?
"You said if we know something you don't, you will let us stay!" Wang Smiled. The Owl grunted and much to his dismay he could not answer the soldier's question. This went on, soldier after soldier. Each asked the same question.
The owl grinned and turned to Wang. "I know your name. Every spirit knows your name...Wang Fire! Now I must slay you!" The owl's neck extended and he turned into a hissing beast.
"No!" Came a female's voice. It was Booma, she had come out of Wang's pocket and now sat on his shoulder.
"Li?" The owl spirit asked. "What are you doing in the form of this oddly shaped spoon?"
"Wang Fire spared my life and this is how I repaid him, but do not worry, I actually enjoy it."
"Why did you not come back to the spirit world, baby?"
"When you found out I cheated on you, I thought you were going to kill me?"
"No, of course not, baby. I love you." The owl said as his attitude went from angry to calm. "I would not hurt you."
"Then don't hurt Wang Fire." Booma said.
Wan Shi Tong grumbled. "Fine, but just for you. And I hope that maybe one day, you will return to be with me in the spirit world." And with that, Wan Shi Tong left.
"Thanks Booma, I almost turned your boyfriend into a chicken dinner." Wang told his boomerang. "Men, let's find that comic strip!" It did not take long for them to find it, it was filed right under humor. But when Wang Fire and his men exited the library, the sand shark was gone and they were met by at least 100 sandbenders. "What is this!?" Wang Fire demanded.
"We have waited a long time for some fool to venture into the library and retrieve the comic!" The leader of the sandbenders announced. "Now you will give it to us so we can bring it to our king, Sand. The greatest sandbender in the world! Hand over the comic bearded one!"
"You dare tell Wang Fire what to do!?"
The man's attitude suddenly changed. "Wang Fire!?" The sandbender exclaimed. "Our princess has heard such stories, she would very much like to meet you!"
Wang Fire paused. He had never been able to turn down a princess. "Take me to your princess, sandbender! And then I will discuss the terms of this comic with your king!" The sandbenders listened to Wang and brought him across hundreds of miles of desert until in the distant a sandbender palace could be seen. Wang and his men stepped off the sand sailors and were led into a giant room.
"It cannot be!" A woman said in disbelief. It was the princess. Her dark skin and dark hair were like a milkshake to Wang Fire's eyes. "It is Wang Fire!"
"Surely, you must be the most beautiful woman in the world!" Wang exclaimed
"He even knows my name!" Shirley shouted with joy.
"What can I do for you, princess?
"Can she be a waterbender!?"
"A waterbender!? No! She lives in the desert!
"Then she can be a prisoner! Please, Bumi! Please, please please-"
"What can I do for you princess?" Wang fire asked as he bowed.
The woman pulled Wang Fire aside. "Please help me, I am a waterbender and King Sand's prisoner! You must save me-"
"If it isn't Wang Fire!" came an evil voice from behind. Wang Fire turned around and was met by King Sand, the evilest, most powerful sandbender in the world! "Have you come to bring me the comic?"
"No, I have not King Sand. But I have come to rescue this woman from your clutches!"
"Muhahahahaha. It is too late Wang Fire, while you were admiring my fair prisoner, I captured all your men and now I will capture you!" King Sand shot a giant sand blast at Wang Fire and blinded him. Wang had sand in his eyes and could not see and King Sand bound him up and thew him in the dungeon, along with the treacherous Water Tribe princess.
"We will die in here Wang Fire!" She cried.
"It seems that King Sand knew of my weakness!" Wang Fire said. The prison walls are lined with vegetables! You must waterbend us out of here!"
"But I can't I have no water! I can't even make my own, I am dehydrated!"
Wang Fire sighed deeply. "Then I must do something I have never done before, it might take all my energy, but I must do it!" Wang Fire was suddenly quiet. The Princess gasped, because from Wang Fire's eyes, tears began to fall. "Waterbend my tears! Wang shouted."
The princess created a water blade from the salty tears and sliced through the leafy prison walls! "You've saved us, Wang Fire!"
"It's not over yet!"
"You are right, Wang Fire-" King Sand stopped, "Wait, are you crying?"
Wang Fire punched the king. "I don't cry, I scare the water out of my body." Wang Fire summoned the sand Shark and saved his men. The creature would not move, so he fed the evil sandbenders to it until it was happy. And then he slithered into the sunset.
For the collective works of the author, go here.