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Fanon:Seven Days Without a Pun Makes One Weak

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Older Sokka
Seven Days Without a Pun Makes One Weak
A Firebender and Sokka get into an epic duel
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Seven Days Without a Pun Makes One Weak is an action one-shot written by MibuWolf for Minnichi's Epic Art for Epic Battles contest. It has Sokka, therefore it must have puns.

Nothing but puns makes one even weaker...

"Politics really are a pain in the behind!" Hunched over a mound of papers, the waterfall of his office roared behind the Southern Water Tribe representative. His attendant stood a little ways away, clutching a clipboard tight to her chest. She blushed when he spoke, unsure of how to respond. When he looked up, her head instantly snapped down, causing the glasses to slide down her nose. A smile flashed across his face—not seductive, or with any hidden meaning, just kind. "You should head home, it's getting late."

Now, her gaze shot upward, "Are you sure, Representative Sokka? I can stay a little while longer..."

"It's quite all right... if you hung around, it'd just be like a broken sword."

"Excuse me?"

Sokka grinned wolfishly at her confusion. "Pointless!" He exclaimed, obviously amusing himself more than his young attendant.

"All right then," she mumbled, "I'll be off, then." Her boss wasn't very good at reading emotions, but most anyone would notice her disappointment at his inability to seem to take anything seriously. He was a handsome man, not young, a widower, but she had been in love with him since long before his wife died.

Once more, her gaze shot downwards. She adjusted her glasses with a hand still clutching the clipboard and quickly began to leave the room. Sokka once more bent over his work. But in his attendant's haste, something obscured her path. The clipboard fell. Her head shot up. Two hands grabbed her shoulders and tossed her aside. She screamed. As soon as the clipboard hit the ground, Sokka shot out of his chair and slammed his hands against his desk. "Who do you think you are, barging into my office and hurting my attendant like that?!"

The mysterious intruder clenched a fist. From the tip of his knuckle, a small, controlled flame appeared. "If you think the trial of Yakone will really go through, think again. We can't afford to have you political folk meddling in our affairs."

Sokka's eyes narrowed. "You're a Yakone supporter...?"

"Quite the opposite." The firebender smirked, and his flame quickly changed into static electricity running along his arm. "My gang's got a bone to pick with that guy you're putting on trial. I'm supposed to kill him. You can either tell me where you're keeping him, or your pretty little attendant here," his fist pointed at the young woman, sprawled across the floor; the electricity of the gangster's hand flared violently and he continued, "will find herself burned to a crisp." Sokka noticed that her glasses were broken, and the force with which this man threw her seemed to dislocate a bone in her leg.

"Who are you...?" Sokka grit his teeth together, sitting down again in what appeared to be a sign of defeat.

"My name isn't too important, but I guess it's a courtesy. They call me Zolt. Jun Zolt."

"Well Zolt..." The representative trailed off, and it wasn't until now that Jun realized he was reaching underneath his desk. "You know what they say about what goes around comes around." From underneath his desk, he produced a boomerang which he launched at the attacker with a flick of his wrist.

When his attacker flinched, Sokka was given a small window of opportunity. He quickly drew his sword, also from underneath his desk and rushed forward. His blade was met with a hasty burst of lightning from the still flustered opponent. Electricity grazed Sokka's cheek, causing the tiny hairs along his face to stand on end. But no real damage was taken.

The boomerang came back, as it always does. Wielding his sword in his right hand, Sokka caught his boomerang with his left. "You have one last chance to give up." His attendant watched him carefully; though her glasses were cracked, she could see that he was serious. Finally serious, and when it mattered the most...

"It's funny," Jun replied, the left side of his mouth twitching into a smile, "I was about to tell you the same thing." The firebender's right arm shot forward. All of the lightning that had previously been showily crackling along his arm focused into his index and middle finger, sending a violent burst of electricity. The wall behind Sokka cracked, but the representative had just enough time to leap out of the way.

As Sokka regained himself, Jun pointed his left hand at the girl. "Heh, maybe I'll give her a nice scar first, to show you I'm really serious."

Just as he charged his lightning for another attack, his hand was knocked away by a pointed object. It was just a blur, a flash of the light against metal, but Jun already knew what it was. He cast a hateful look towards Sokka, who once more caught his boomerang after the attack. "Nobody hurts my friends." The statement was cliché and unromantic, his attendant noted, but somehow it fit perfectly. Perfectly for Sokka, perfectly for the situation. She found herself blushing again, and once more diverted her gaze.

Without speaking again, both of the combatants seemed to meet a mutual agreement. For an onlooker, it was impossible to see both their eyes convey the same message. Almost in unison, their legs tensed, and they sprinted forward. Jun released a whip-like strike of lightning at Sokka's chest, while the latter pulled his sword up for a downward diagonal slash. Sokka's attendant couldn't tell what happened, but after they passed each other, they paused momentarily. A lock of the firebender's hair flew off, while Sokka's tunic tore open from the landed blow of lightning.

"I win," Jun whispered, "now tell me where to find Yakone."

Instead of turning around, or even falling, Sokka simply smirked. Between gasps of air, he asked, "Did you really win?" Jun looked down at his clothes to see his own shirt torn open diagonally with blood pouring from an open wound. He had already lost so much blood that the nerves were practically dead. Panic set in, and the room began to spin for Jun Zolt.

The gangster fell to his knees, whether out of defeat or out of blood loss, it wasn't entirely clear. But Sokka wasn't in great shape, either. He crumpled to the ground. "Representative Sokka!" His attendant shouted, trying to get a response though she could not move to check on him.

Before losing consciousness, Sokka was able to smile ever so slightly. "Well, he sure made an ash of himself."


  • Well, pretty much. Jun Zolt is meant to be Lightning bolt Zolt's papa, and this is supposedly set before Yakone's trial. He's gonna get healed obviously, but I felt it would feel to dragging if I went on much more :P
  • More than anything else, I just really, really wanted to use some of these puns.

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