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| || And this is Katara, my flying sister.
This article is considered humorous and should not be treated too seriously.
The Revival is the third chapter to the breathtaking saga, Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub. The story takes place eight years prior to Aang's return.
Roughly over two weeks from their previous mishap in the Spirit World, Pakku (in front) and Iroh (in the back, still shirtless) ride together on the back of a Komodo rhino with a carriage that holds several boxes of spiritual water, which they bought previously from Koh the Facestealer. Iroh decided to consult with Zhao about where to construct a new Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub. He consults with him a lot, although it is mainly to get a cup of Jasmine tea and snack on some oatmeal cream pies rather than actually consult with him. Personally, Iroh thinks Zhao is a stubborn idiot. Pakku led the rhino through the southern Fire Nation colonies, which a boat far ahead would transfer them to Zhao's harbor. Iroh noticed that they had passed by a local tea shop, the fumes of the mixture of Jasmine, White Jade, and Jin Seng tea entered his nose and then faded. Iroh then turned his head as the tea shop seemed to go further and further away. Iroh was so interested in the tea shop that he got out of his seat and climbed on top of the rhino's carriage and took yet another smell of the tea. He inhaled and then exhaled, he then returned to his seat as if he had lost something that was very important to him.
- Iroh (sneaky): Oh, Pakku, I do declare... I bet you are tired, you've been sitting on this beast of burden for quite some time now, you are old, and old people need a break.
- Pakku (disturbed): What are you implying?
- Iroh: You must rest. A man needs his rest.
- Pakku: Well, I suppose we can switch places.
- Iroh: Great, that'd be swell!
After Pakku and Iroh switched spaces on the Komodo Rhino, Iroh suddenly made a turn around.
- Pakku: What are you doing? Don't make me freeze you!
- Iroh: I'm turning around, you were going the wrong way.
- Pakku: What? That's stupid, I see the boat right ahead of us!
- Iroh: Nope, sorry, oh hey, let me stop here, I have to use the restroom.
Pakku now regretted switching spots with Iroh. When Iroh stopped the carriage, he entered into the tea shop. He came out with a satisfied smile. Iroh obviously drank tea, as he was "using the restroom" for over thirty minutes, he also had some tea leaves on his bottom lip and a stain on his pants. Pakku noticed immediately, he played along:
- Pakku (grining): Well, someone had a good time using the restroom!
- Iroh: Oh yes, it was thrilling, you wouldn't believe what I saw in there! Whew, I'm bushed.
- Pakku (laughing): Oh, you are a goof, say, you smell a lot like tea, don't ya? Also, did you happen to notice that the building you entered was a tea shop?
- Iroh (completely casual): Oh, I didn't notice, that'll explain it, the tea smell... Well, they had scented toilets.
- Pakku (pointing to tea leaves on lip): Right... and what's that on your lips? No, it can't be? It is! Tea leaves, I caught you!
- Iroh (perfectly straight face): Sorry, but you are incorrect. That is nothing more than a success of a project from a scientist I met once, his formula was designed to transform people's mustache hairs into tea leaves.
- Pakku (nearly speechless, then pointing to stain on his pants): What's that spill from?
- Iroh: Sorry, but when I was in the bathroom, I kind of, sort of... missed.
Pakku grew angry in defeat, he was nearly going to freeze Iroh with his ice bending.
- Pakku: You might have someone else here buying your... little story, but you and I both know you've struggled with telling the truth in the past. So let me tell you something, right now. You make one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might enter back in that shop and you won't have to worry about your tea anymore. Because I will make sure your tea ends... right then and there. Permanently.
- Iroh (scared): I may of bought a drink or two... or three
Iroh and Pakku then rode on the back of the Komodo Rhino again and headed towards the boat. To their surprise, the ferry was owned by pirates, who oftentimes stole and smoked pot. This disgusted Pakku incredibly, for he was a clean honest man. As the ferry boat took off from the docks, a pirate named Oh told Iroh that he could be a pirate, and then offered him an eyepatch for $142.38; and Iroh, of course in stupidity, accepted.
- Oh: Well, you look like a fine pirate, but only a true fine pirate has a hooked hand, available for the low price of One Hundrend and sixty-seven dollars and fifty-three cents, so don't be shy, cm'on and buy!
- Pakku (rolling eyes and then whispering to Iroh):I am going to freeze him!
The pirate captain walked into the room with his pet bird upon his sweaty shoulder. He was truly fascinated by Pakku's capability as he froze Oh with his ice bending.
- Pirate Captain: Arrrg Aye, yer from not around here, are you?
- Pet Bird: Awk! not around here, not around here. Awk!
- Pakku (rolling eyes again): Whatever... I'm from up north.
- Pirate: Shiver me timbers! Aye, I must say yer pwitty good in yer fancy ice dance. Arrg!
- Pet Bird: Awk! Shiver timberk, Fancy ice dance, fancy ice dance! Awk!
Pakku pulled out an old waterbending scroll that he carried with him, and then showed the Pirate Captain how he learned icebending. In return, the captain was very interested in the scroll and how much it was worth.
- Pirate Captain (pointing to the other side of the room): Arg! Yer be lookin over der! Treasure!
- Pet Bird: Awk! Over der! Over der! Treasure! Awk!
- Pakku (turning head): Where?
The captain then grabbed the scroll from Pakku's possession, and Pakku noticed, staring back at him gravely.
- Pakku (completely calm, giving hand gestures of confusion): What the #*@%?
Because the ferry came to a stop, Pakku just let him have it. The captain intended for the scroll to later be sold to wandering travelers. The two old men left the ferry and walked onto dry land.
- Iroh (completely serious): I think I got a good deal on this pirate stuff, now all I need to do in order to wear this eye patch is poke out my eyeball.
- Pakku: Okay?
After a few hours of walking in circles and squares, Iroh and Pakku managed to find Zhao's harbor. They approached the door but no one was around.
- Iroh: Sweet! We have this whole place to ourselves Pakkie!
- Pakku: Don't... call me that. Besides, this place is locked
Iroh then kicked down the door.
- Iroh: Oh yeah?
They both entered inside. To Pakku's annoyance, Iroh kept shouting "Echo" although the echoes were very faint. They entered a cooler (much like the ones in Boiling Rock), and inside they saw buckets of strawberry and mint ice cream.
- Iroh: Ice cream!!! I yell for Ice Cream! Wait... I scream for Ice cream!
- Pakku: Get out of there! It's forbidden, and the cooler sign reads "Do not Enter!" and "Abandon Hope"; besides it's frozen, you know how I feel about things that are frozen that wasn't caused by me!
Iroh then stuffed his cheeks with ice cream; and in a matter of minutes his whole body was covered in it.
Zhao and five of his favorite men walked into the room to get some ice cream. To their surprise they discovered a Water Tribe member and a shirtless fat man butchering their snack.
- Zhao: Oh... Oh my.
Pakku then helped the embarrassed Iroh up off the ground.
- Iroh: Good morning Lieutenant Zhao sir!
- Zhao: It's General now!
Suddenly a messenger hawk flew into the room and gave Zhao a letter which he then read.
- Zhao: Excuse me... it's captain now!
- Firebender guard (pointing to Pakku): Sir, this man here is part of the Northern Water Tribe! Look at his primitive clothing.
- Zhao (calmly): He shall be hung.
- Iroh: No, no.. he's with me, it's cool.
- Zhao: Oh, this is rather humorous, I suppose. This reminds me of my glorious adventure to the great library.
- Pakku: Hung?
- Iroh: We are here to discuss a construction project. We do not know where to settle.
- Zhao: What are intending on building? A library? I once went to a library - it was the great library in fact.
- Iroh: No, another Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub. My mouth is kind of dry, bring me tea and oatmeal cream pies.
- Zhao (signaling guard to bring refreshments): Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub, I know of which you speak. I read about it once from a scroll during my trip to the Great Library. Did I ever mention that I went to the Great Library?
Sudden silence occurred.
- Pakku: Anyways, we were wondering where to build.
The refreshments were then brought to Zhao and Iroh. Iroh ignored the conversation and began eating and drinking.
- Zhao: There is a town, with women and children: it is of the Earth Kingdom, unharmed by us. You shall destroy there hope by burning down their homes and then build a Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub. I once destroyed someone's hope... In fact it was an owl's hope, who lived within the Great Library.
- Pakku: An Owl?
- Iroh: I like these cookies. This tea taste good too... though I wish for more cream.
- Zhao: Yes, finest tea in the world. It was a recipe that I found in the Great Library.
- Iroh: No, it taste good, not great. I can make better tea than this crud.
- Zhao: Is that a challenge?
- Iroh: No.. sorry, I'll rest my tongue.
- Zhao: Okay, now let's here it for my Great Library story!
Pakku then rolls his eyes at Zhao's statement. The next day, after the whole story was told, Zhao sends forth an army of 10,000 soldiers to raid the village for Iroh and Pakku's construction project. After the Earth Kingdom village's hope dies, a soldier named Colonel Mongke killed a young boy named Jet's parents. Within an hour the village was wiped clean from any Earth Kingdom villager. Here the next Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub would be built, and only Iroh and Pakku are allowed to enter. Iroh told Jet "Hey, it's nothing personal kid, it's simply, just a mere construction project."
For the collective works of the author, go here.