|More from Buttongoo||None||PG-13 (violence, suggestive themes)||Positive||Completed|
| || And this is Katara, my flying sister.
This article is considered humorous and should not be treated too seriously.
We last left our heroes, tea-loving Iroh and grumpy Pakku, as they journeyed across the nations in search for a hot spring, but what they truly found is what they were looking for all along: each other... that and a hot spring. Unfortunately for our old masters, Pakku used the hot spring's spirit water to freeze the Kyoshi Warriors before they attacked them. Now, it's up to them to contact the spirits to build a new tub filled with spirit water just for them. What will happen next? (read below if you want to know)
Pakku and Iroh enter the forest outside Senlin Village. Pakku looked around the forest to make sure no one was there.
- Iroh (confused as he sips his tea): Hey Pakku, ol' buddy, what are we doing here? I thought we were looking for a way to contact the spirits so we can be lazy and sit in a magical hot tub again... just like the Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub on Kyoshi.
- Pakku: We are here for a reason.
- Iroh (scratching his head in confusion): What is that reason?
- Pakku: A spiritual monster lives in this forest, it can bring us to the Spirit World.
- Iroh: You speak of Hei Bai; do you not?
- Pakku: Yes, I do
After a few hours of the two yelling 'Hei Bai', their tongues were as dry as hot desert rock. They nearly gave up on finding Hei Bai, when all of a sudden, they finally noticed the spirit coming towards them. They pet the spirit and then commanded Hei Bai to bring them to the Spirit World; but unfortunately Hei Bai only spoke Chinese. The little English he knew was Sit, Down, Speak, Roll Over, and Play Dead, and he had yet to learn Make Portal. Hei Bai lost interest in them and walked away.
- Iroh (mad): Well, that was useless...
- Pakku: Maybe we have to anger him in order to make us go into the Spirit World?
- Iroh (enthusiastic): Exactly, this forest seems precious to him, we should do something, I got it... we should start a fire in this forest!
- Pakku: I was thinking along the lines of freezing it... but alright... you may proceed.
Iroh then shot fire from his fingertips and burned down the whole forest, flames could be seen even from the most distant houses in Senlin village. Iroh had killed everything in that area besides himself, one bird, and Pakku, who believed he went overboard.
- Iroh (giggling): Haha, I could of just started a little fire, I actually didn't need to burn down the whole village this whole time! Haha, oh what joy. Hei Bai will be mad now!
- Pakku (in shock, talking slowly): What... the #*@% was that?
The last remaining bird was tormented by what had happened, and continued screaming for the rest of its life, even when it moved to the swamp eight years later, where Aang crosses path with it.
- Iroh (stopping his uncontrollable laughs and then patting Pakku's back): Hahaha... you know what would tick Hei Bai off even more.... and I am going to do this... throw acorns on the ground to give people hope that the forest will grow back... haha... and it never will!
After Iroh threw acorns on the ground and Hei Bai approached the two stooges. He emitted a spiritual roar at them, which pushed them across the burnt forest.
- Iroh (as he is flying across the ground): Weeee...
Hei Bai was so upset that he started to kill them both by eating them. As he stuck Iroh into his mouth releasing a foul smell (which would have killed insects around him, if any were to survive). Pakku came to the rescue as he froze Hei Bai with the water from a puddle nearby. However, Hei Bai teleported out of the frozen grip, Pakku then threw two spear-like icicles that he made straight into Hei Bai's eyes, his eyes fell onto the ground (this is why Hei Bai doesn't have eyes in his beast form). Hei Bai ran away into the forest, Iroh and Pakku moronically followed, as the beast teleported into the Spirit World. Pakku and Iroh traveled too, this began the rumors that Zhao had heard about Iroh's journey into the Spirit World. The old men (who still aren't wearing shirts from their previous journey) looked around the Spirit World. They approached a meditating odd monkey-like spirit (the same spirit Aang later met).
- Iroh (mocking the spirit): Hoo hoo ha ha
- Pakku (after slapping Iroh): Enough, great spirit, we wish for you to grant us with your water. What is say of you?
- Odd Spirit (opening eyes briefly): Go... away... you are still here?
- Iroh: Please, we are old men who need to be soothed in spiritual waters, great spirit. Uh what's your name?
- Odd Spirit (angered slightly): My name is Rafiki... now go... away.
A bright firefly-like creature passes by the two old men, Rafiki notices it.
- Rafiki: Perhaps that thing will help you... chase it!
The two old men look at the light and then back at Rafiki.
- Rafiki (angry): Chase it now!
They chased the light up a tree, and suddenly the branch that supported the two men collapsed. They fell into a pond and looked below, seeing Avatar Roku.
- Iroh (scratching head): Wait... you are Avatar Roku... what are you doing in the water?
- Roku: The water in here may not be spirit water, but it is water nevertheless. I come here everyday to back float, it's quite relaxing, actually.
- Pakku: Well this is weird. We are here to receive spirit water to make a new Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub for ourselves, is there any spirit you know that knows about the spirit water that we know, you know?
- Roku: There is one who lives to remember it, a spirit named Koh, but he is very dangerous, they call him The Facestealer, be careful and do not show any emotion or... he will steal your face.
- Iroh (in disbelief): Yeah right...
The two elders ventured toward Koh's cave, they passed by Rafiki. Pakku thought Rafiki was a jerk, as he headed back towards him, he planned on freezing him with water, unfortunately for them both, he could not water bend.
- Rafiki: Haha...haha...hoo hoo haha
- Pakku (angered): Silence you simian freak.
- Iroh (calm, placing hand on Pakku's shoulder): It will be alright... never give in to what others say about you... never.
- Pakku (happy): Nothing ever dampens your spirit, does it Iroh, ol' pal?
- Iroh (happy): No, it doesn't
- Pakku (suddenly frowning): Yeah, I have always hated that about you.
Within three hours they reached Koh's cave. They stepped foot in the dark cave, Koh came down, they avoided eyesight. Iroh then remembered he did not believe in Koh's face-stealing powers.
- Iroh (whispering to Pakku): Hey Pakku, watch this..
- Koh: Welcome outsiders. Iroh, son of Azulon and Pakku, son of Luon, what brings you two here?
- Pakku: We are here, for we want spiritual water for us to bathe in.
- Koh: Aww... yes, you speak of the Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub, do you not?
- Iroh Yes, we do.
- Koh: I have water in my spare room, behind my kitchen.
- Pakku: Please, show us the way. We are in deep gratefulness because of your hospitality.
- Iroh (placing face onto head angrily): I'm not, he ripped my face off!
- Koh: I need to stay here to keep guard, my son can lead the way.
Koh the called out to his son Joh; Joh also was a face-stealer, but much smaller in size, he stole mainly insect and birds' faces.
- Iroh: Aww... he's so cute!
- Joh: Follow me..
Joh then lead them through a hall within the darkness, they passed through the kitchen (which Iroh obviously was fond of) and into a room which was a warehouse, the warehouse stored aisles of frozen spirit water, all Iroh had to do was melt the ice. Pakku and Iroh were amazed by the site within the warehouse. They ordered six large boxes of spiritual ice. They carried them out of the cave, Koh stopped them.
- Koh: You must pay me something in return... a face... perhaps.
- Iroh: I don't know...
The elders then noticed a curly-tailed monkey skipping around, this was indeed Rafiki's son. They had an idea, Pakku grabbed the monkey and delivered it to Koh who stole his face. In the end Iroh and Pakku got what they wanted in order to fund a new Super Cool Ultimate Avatar Hot Tub along with revenge against the rude monkey spirit Rafiki; while a forest is burnt, a monkey lost it's face, a monster lost it's eyes, and a poor birdy is traumatized.
For the collective works of the author, go here.