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第七天 杏月, 三年後 偉大的彗星 - Day 7 of the 2nd Month, 3 AG
The previous night was serene. Rain poured down and the low rumbles of thunder was rather calming. It has been a long time since I slept peacefully and warmly. The crackling of the fire and the feel of the soft cotton blanket was perfect, it coincided with the rain and thunder to form something beautiful. Seelah and Tsumi left, though. They went to run an errand, or at least that is what they told me, and they were gone the whole night and day.
I still find it impossible to place them. They are... Different. I don't know, it's like they can read my thoughts and bring me peace. I felt myself relying on them for that peace, that is why today was different...
I woke up to the smell of smoldering embers. For a moment I lost myself in the glowing red, only to snap back into reality by a loud crack of thunder. I shook my head and yawned, regarding my surroundings. They were somehow different from the previous day, they were empty, lifeless, dark...
As I used my Airbending to get the fire started on a fresh log, I thought about them. The sisters of the wind. They know my secret. Who are they...
It seemed to me that things would always be like they were yesterday. I found myself thinking things like, things will only get beter now... What a childish allusion. But perhaps... Perhaps what the sisters told me today... Later. First I would recount the day...
I didn't do much in the morning. I tried to meditate and calm my mind, a practice I had abandoned little after that happened.
It didn't work. I couldn't find peace, detachment, joy, freedom. I thought to myself... I thought I was no longer an Air Nomad... Just an Airbender. Nothing more...
Since I could no longer find the inner peace to meditate, I decided to do the second best., reflect and remember.
"You dwell on that man too much, Ai, and you dwell too much on your past."
I knew this now, still...
I started to dwell on the past... On him... And on her...
I remembered the first time I met Sapana so clearly...
"Remember," Began the ageing nun. "a sky bison is a friend for ever." She smiled and handed each of us an apple.
I wasn't paying attention to my immediate situation, rather I was looking out at the misty mountains, but there was something obstructing my view. A young girl about the same age as me and the other Air Nomad children around me.
Everyone was so caught up laughing at one certain Airbender caught between the floor and a bison's tail, that it was easy for me to sneak away.
"I'm Ai." I remember saying, straight to the point.
She looked at me, a hopeful smile spread across her face. She had been crying.
"I... I'm Sapana."
I sat down next to her on the ledge. For a moment we just looked out onto the vista, then I looked down. The red apple was still in my hand. I wasn't really sure what to do next.
I looked up and stuck the apple out in her general direction.
"Here." I said bluntly. She took the apple and giggled.
We just sat and shared the apple. We did not need to talk. We just enjoyed each other's presence...
Soon enough there was another presence behind me. It was him.
"Ai! What do you think you are doing?"
He was at his wits end with me. I knew it.
"No excuses, Ai!" He grasped me by the hand and led me away with a tug. Sapana smiled sympathetically. I smiled back...
I hated him.
"I HATE YOU!" I shouted into nothing. My voice echoed through the dark cave. There was no more peace.
"I hate you!" I shouted at him, tears rolling down my face. "I hate you! I hate you!"
"That's what you say every time, Ai."
As if he knew me.
"Ai. You can't go on being so disobedient."
As if he knew what was best.
"It's only because I care."
As if he cared.
I didn't feel the peace I had felt earlier. I felt like I had before. Worse. I felt pathetic, and I probably looked pathetic, curled up in a bundle in the dirt. Crying.
"Wh... Why?" I managed. The wind had been knocked out of me, blood and bruise covered my body.
"Because the world is changing and it doesn't need the Air Nomads."
I looked at him. There was so much greed in his eyes.
"And the world doesn't need you." He lifted his staff high in the air. I flinched even before the blunt end hit me in the stomach and then in the leg.
I couldn't yell or scream when the weapon made contact with me head.
"You are worthless, Ai. The world doesn't need you." He knelt down, forcing me to look into his eyes. It was blurry. "You were always so disobedient and I had to punish you. You always said you hated me. But now, now you do hate me, don't you?"
I loathed him.
"You were always so worthless."
I despised him.
"I'm doing the world a favour." He bashed my head against the wall and his foot made contact with my ribs...
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I roared, blood splattering into my mouth from my raw throat... Then I went still. Just wailing in the muck. My body shaking with silent fits of hatred and sorrow...
The blade neatly slid across my wrist, the thin line turning red.
"I hate you..." It was all I could say.
"I... Hate you..." I fell asleep.
"Ai!" I woke up to the sound of Tsumi's voice. "Ai!"
Seelah was already busy cleaning the cuts I had made on my arms.
"What's going on with you, Ai?" Tsumi wore an expression I had not seen in a long time. Concern. And her eyes emanated warmth.
I was so tiered.
"You weren't here... I became..." I mumbled.
Seelah shook her head, slowly...
"Ai... You can't always rely on us to help you, you must learn to help yourself. You must change your mind about the world."
"Remember what I told you back in Taku?" Tsumi swiftly succeeded her sister in words.
"I am... Special..."
Seelah and Tsumi will help me help myself. I was tiered, but their aura rejuvenated me, and I wrote...
Now I will sleep...
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