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|By Jeff The Hippie||Genre||Rating||Reviews||Updates|
|More from Jeff The Hippie||Humor, Action/Adventure||PG-13||None||None|
|"It's too late for him. He's dead weight. Let's go!"|
Aang to Katara about Sokka sleeping in
|MTV Cribs: Air Nomad Edition!|
Jeff The Hippie
October 2, 2011
"Aang," said Katara as she woke. "How long have you been awake?"
He opened one eye. "A few hours." he responded. Then he closed his eye.
He opened it again. "I only require six hours of sleep every night."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm meditating, and it's a quite difficult thing to do when someone's talking to you."
"Oh," she said. "Well, we're going soon, so-"
Aang jumped from the ground excitedly. "Then let's get going!"
"But Sokka isn't even awake yet!" she shouted.
"It's too late for him. He's dead weight. Let's go!"
Reluctantly, Aang waited for Sokka to wake up.
Meanwhile, with Zuko...
"Uncle," said Zuko as he stepped off the ship. "I want the repairs made as soon as possible."
"Zuko, you should rest." said Iroh.
"I don't need rest." he said darkly. "I need the Avatar." His eyes went wide and he covered his mouth.
"What is it, Prince Zuko?"
"No one can know he lives."
His uncle thought that over for a few seconds. "But Zuko, that makes so sense. Of course the Avatar lives. He cannot die. He just gets reincarnated."
"Hello, Prince Zuko." said a tall man, butting into the conversation.
"Captain Zhao." said Zuko.
"Commander..." he corrected. "So, what brings you to my harbor?"
"The ship needs to be repaired." said Iroh.
Zhao looked the ship over. "Yes, I see... So, what happened?"
"We crashed." Iroh said.
"Is that so?" He turned to Zuko. "So, who beat you up?"
Zuko turned pale. "You must share with me all the details over a drink. Zhao and Iroh were already leaving, so Zuko had no choice but to follow.
And back to the kids...
"I'm starving!" moaned Sokka, holding his stomach. "What happened to all the food?"
"Why don't you ask your gut?" asked Aang. "I've heard he's been hoarding it all for himself."
Katara giggled. "Oh yeah?!" he replied. "Well your... Afro is big."
Aang just stared at him for a moment. "Thanks, Captain Obvious. Maybe next you can teach us how to breath." he said as he began fixing his hair, realizing he had forgotten to that morning.
"We're almost there." said Aang.
"Aang," Katara began. "I just want to to be prepared for what you might see."
"Uh-huh," he said nodding. "Go on."
"Well... It's just that... The Fire Nation-"
"Oh, don't worry about that, Katara." Aang said. "I already know what happened to my people."
"You mean you know that your people were... Killed?"
Aang laughed hard, then regained his composure. "Uh, sorry..." he said. "It's just funny that you'd think that."
Both Sokka and Katara stared at him. "Aang," she said. "You do realize that no one has seen an Airbender in a long time, right?"
"That's funny, Katara. I thought you were the optimistic one in the group."
"Sokka laughed loudly. "Ha-ha! It's funny cause it's true." She gave him a dry look and continued.
"Well, what do you think happened to them?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson," he began. "You make a good point. While I do agree that it is rather foolish to believe in something that you can't see without some concrete evidence or theory of why you cannot see said thing, I do have a theory. You see, you can't get there without a flying bison, a creature of which they have none. Therefore, the notion that the Fire Nation could have possibly wiped out the rest of the nomads is rather absurd. Now, the reason no one has seen an Airbender in such a long time is because due to the day-to-day danger of simply being an Airbender that they would face, they need to hide in their respective temples for most of the war. I mean, I was gone for quite a while, but I was still here. Besides, we're mostly peaceful-" He looked at Sokka. "unless you disrespect us, so we wouldn't want much to do with the war anyway."
"Pfft. Figures," said Sokka. "Leave it to the cowardly Air Nomads to turn their backs on the world during the biggest war ever just to save themselves."
Aang turned and stared at him. Then he took off his belt and snapped it. Sokka jumped him fear. If you were there you could see it in his eyes. "Next time you disrespect my people, this belt won't be crackin' against nothing."
"Whatever," said Sokka, as if he hadn't just jumped six feet in the air out of fear not ten seconds ago.
"As I was saying," Aang said as he returned to his explanation. "I'm sure, however, that every now and again they go out to take out a Fire Navy ship or something."
Then, it came into view: the Southern Air Temple in all of its glory.
"Come on baby," he began to sing. "Baby don't 'cha want to go? Come on baby, baby don't 'cha want to go? Back to the land of California or sweet home Chicago?"
"What's that song?" asked Katara.
He thought for a moment. "I don't know."
Meanwhile, Zuko, Iroh, and Zhao talk about things and stuff...
"So, how is your search for the Avatar coming?" asked Zhao.
"We haven't found him yet." replied Zuko.
"Did you really expect to? The Avatar died a hundred years ago along with the rest of the Airbenders... Unless you've found some evidence that he's alive."
Zuko's eyes began darting around the room. "W-... Well... Of-of course the Avatar is alive!" he said,m a bit too loud. "The Avatar can't die, he just gets reincarnated. We should be looking for a Waterbender!"
They both got quiet. "But... Other than that we've found nothing."
"Is that so?" asked Zhao.
"Yes. Come on, uncle. We're leaving." Zhao's guards wouldn't allow it.
"Commander Zhao!" said the snitch. "We interrogated the crew as you instructed. They confirmed that Zuko had the Avatar in custody but let him escape."
"Now, remind me," said Zhao slyly. "How was your ship damaged?"
And back to the Avatar crew...
"I'm starving!" complained Sokka.
"Would you please be quiet?" asked Aang. "I'm sure the nomads will feed us. I'm pretty tight with them, ya know."
"They better, or else I'll have to eat my own hand!"
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. It probably wouldn't taste very good with all the touching yourself you do."
As usual, Katara laughed and Sokka got pissed off. "Shut up." he replied.
"Nice comeback. Did you write that yourself?"
They continued walking.
"Hey, look!" Aang shouted as he sped off. It took forever for Katara and Sokka to catch up.
"What?" asked Katara once she finally caught up.
He pointed. "That's where my friends and I used to play air ball." He pointed again. "And that's where we would play tennis." Then he got quiet. "I wonder where they are now..."
"So, uh, how'd those games work?" asked Sokka.
Aang got a bit happier. "Well, tennis was kinda boring. Ya had to hit the ball with your hand, and the game could go on forever. I wasn't even very good. But air ball, that was something else."
Aang and Sokka played a few games and Aang creamed him. "Good game, man," said Aang. "Maybe next time we'll have a competition to see who can catch more fish."
Of course, Katara and Sokka didn't hear him. They were too focused on the Fire Nation Helmet right behind him.
"Well, let's get going." Aang said as he began to turn around. Katara quickly ran in front of him.
"Katara," he said gently. "What are you doing?"
"Just, uh, standing here." she awkwardly responded.
"Uh-huh," he said. "But ya see, I'm the only one who knows how this place operates, so I think it'd make a lot more sense for me to be in front."
She dropped some snow on the place and moved out of the way.
"Hey guys, check it out," Aang said. He was actually smiling for two and a half seconds, then went back to normal. "This is a statue of Monk Gyatso. He was my mentor. You could ask him anything and he'd have the answer."
"Ah, Aang!" said the cheerful monk. "What is it that you need?"
Aang bowed to him. "Hello, Gyatso. I need some information."
"Well, go on."
"Well... I was wondering about these visions I keep getting. I have know clue what they mean!"
Gyatso smiled. "Aang, the Avatar always gets unexplainable visions. It's only natural for you. You'll never understand what they mean." After saying that, he realized Aang was still unsettled about the visions. "If it makes you feel any better, you can tell me about them. We have a list of visions from former Airbending Avatars right here." He grabbed a large book and gave Aang a hand motion telling him to begin speaking.
"Let's see..." he closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "Ronald Reagan hates black people... Nixon loves war, being an idiot and is, in fact, a crook... Bush also loves war and being an idiot... MTV and BET both suck... Michele Bachmann's husband is gay... Billy Mays is the king of the universe." He opened his eyes. "Anything match up?"
The monk flipped through his book and shook his head. "Nope," he said. "Sorry."
"Well what did some people say?"
"Let's see..." said Gyatso as he flipped through the book. "The most common are as follows. 'Elvis is the greatest ever', 'Jesus rules', 'war brings peace', 'the Vietnam war was a good idea', and 'Bush totally had a plan for when we went into all of those Middle Eastern countries and also wasn't really high when he decided to do so'."
"They sound like a bunch of Republicans to me."
"Okay, bad example." Aang said. He bowed to the statue and walked away.
"Where are you going?" asked Katara.
"To the Air Temple Sanctuary." he dryly replied. "I gotta meet a guy."
Sokka and Katara ran to catch up to him. "But Aang," Katara began. "There's no way someone could have survived in there for a hundred years.
"There you go again," he said. "Not being optimistic. Besides, maybe it was a metaphor. And even if it wasn't, maybe he/she found a way to survive like I did."
"Ha!" laughed Sokka as the approached the door. "Do you really think there's anyone else stupid enough to freeze themselves?!"
Aang stared him down. "Sokka, it's been quite a while since I've needed to hit you. Let's not ruin this wonderful friendship."
Aang stopped. He took a deep breath in, and blew the doors open.
"And that's how you get it done." he said as he walked in.
"Man," said Sokka. "Those doors sure are big."
"Maybe they expected Andre the Giant to stop by." said Aang.
Aang thought for a moment. "Never mind."
Back to Zuko getting his balls busted...
"So, a twelve year old bested you and your Firebenders." said Zhao.
"I underestimated him once," said Zuko. "It won't happen again."
Blah, blah, blah. You guys know what happens next, and frankly, I'm getting bored writing it. Zhao says Zuko can't hunt the Avatar anymore. Zuko gets pissed. Zhao gets more pissed. Zuko gets even more pissed. Zhao exits (like a boss). Zuko kicks a table. Iroh asks for tea to usher in comic relief. Now we can get back to the entertaining part. You're welcome.
"Who are these people?" asked Katara, looking at all of them in splendor.
"Take a wild guess." replied Aang, staring at the last statue. She shrugged her shoulders. "Try to recognize the pattern."
"Duh!" yelled Aang in a stupid voice. "Ya think so?" He quickly realized that his comment had offended her. "Come on," he attempted to explain. "I was just kidding." She turned her back and walked away. Goddammit, he thought. Now I feel like an ass. He awkwardly began fixing his afro, avoiding eye contact with anyone.
"Man," he said. "All my past lives."
"Ha-ha-ha," Sokka chuckled. "You actually believe that stuff?"
Aang stared at him for a moment, as that was one of the dumbest things Sokka had said up to that point. "Of course I do, dummy." he replied. "You do realize that reincarnation has been proven, right? Why do you think the Avatar keeps coming back?" Sokka walked away, knowing that he'd lost the debate.
Aang turned to the last statue again. "Avatar Roku." he said, bowing. "My closest sibling."
"How'd you know his name?" asked Katara, clearly still angry.
Aang shrugged. "It's in my blood."
Eek! they heard suddenly from the doors. They all turned, ready to fight, but found only a lemur.
"Food!" shouted Sokka. The animal's giant ears perked up and it ran off.
"Let's get some dinner!" Aang said, mouth watering.
"No way, Aang. I'm not letting you... Wait, did you say you want to eat the lemur?!"
"Well yeah. We don't have anything else to eat. Besides, I bet it tastes like chicken."
Sokka was astonished. "Oh, my bad. I'm not used to you agreeing with me."
"Look Sokka, I love having heart-to-heart conversations with you, but our dinner's getting away. I think we should catch up with it." Then they were off!
Back to the boring part...
"You can't compete with me!" said Zhao powerfully. "I have hundreds of war ships under my command, and your just a banished prince. No home, no allies. Your own father doesn't even want you."
"You're wrong!" blasted Zuko. "Once I deliver the Avatar to my father he will welcome me home with honor and restore my place on the throne."
"If your father really wanted you home he would've let you return by now; Avatar or no Avatar. But in his eyes you are a failure and a disgrace to the Fire Nation."
"That's not true!"
"You have the scar to prove it."
"Maybe you'd like one to match!"
"Is that a challenge?"
"An Agni Kai at sunset."
"Very well. It's a shame your father won't be here to watch me humiliate you. I guess your uncle will do." After saying that he left.
"Prince Zuko," said his uncle. "Have you forgotten what happened last time you dueled a master?"
"... I will never forget."
Meanwhile, Aang and Sokka continue the lemur hunt...
And then I'll fry him up, thought Aang as he ran around in search of the meal on legs. Mmm. Cover him in some extra spicy hot sauce. Mmmm. So greasy and unhealthy and good!
"Come on out, supper monkey!" he called out. "I promise you'll be the tastiest monkey to ever be drowned in hot sauce, fried to a crunchy crisp, drowned in hot sau-"
He stopped dead in his tracks. His mouth fell silent. His eyes burst wide open. His mind went blank. In front of him lie the skeletons of at least two dozen Firebenders. He tried to form words, and even thoughts, but nothing happened. All he could do was look. Then, as his eyes bounced around the room like a ricocheting bullet, he finally came upon the body against the wall. It was Gyatso. He fell to his knees in anger and weakness. His burnt hands were balled in fists of rage.
"So, how's the dinner hunt coming?" asked Sokka as he walked in to the room. Then he noticed Aang holding back tears. "What's wrong, Aang? Did you find a mirror in here and realize how stupid your hair and outfit look?" When Aang didn't come back with something clever, he looked around and found the old, decayed skeletons.
"Aang, don't be-" Sokka stopped mid sentence because Aang's arrows (which had been mostly hidden at that point thanks to his afro and jacket) began to glow!
Meanwhile, in the Avatar room with Katara...
The statues' eyes began to glow!
Meanwhile, around the world...
The statues' eyes began to glow!
Aang stood up, creating a whirlwind around himself.
"We need to calm him down!" Katara shouted over the winds as she trudged toward him.
Meanwhile, the Agni Kai is underway...
Both Zhao and Zuko stared at each other, waiting for the other to strike first. Then Zuko began to spam him with fire balls. Zhao dodged each one with ease, then shot a gigantic blast of fire into the sky. With Zuko distracted, Zhao shot a massive fire ball, needless to say, knocking him down hard. When Zuko rose he was met by several other fire balls, again knocking him down. As you could guess, Zuko was in a lot of pain. In fact, he was still hurting from his fight with the Avatar. Zhao jumped high in the air above Zuko. His fist was drawn back to shoot a blast of fire at him. Zuko's eyes went wide in terror. He threw his legs in the air frantically and shot a fire blast at him. Caught completely off guard by the attack, Zhao was unable to block the attack and was blown back far. He landed on his feet, but was clearly shaken. Zuko jumped to his feet and sent a giant fire blast at him. He followed that fire blast all the way to the commander. Zhao may have been prepared for the original blast, but was nowhere near ready for the barrage of point-blank fire balls and blasts that followed it. With his last blast he knocked Zhao into a wall. He fell on his face. Zhao was out of breath and wouldn't get up. Zuko had won.
"Come on, uncle," he said. "Let's get going."
Zhao got up and attempted to blast Zuko, but Iroh shot the biggest fire blast ever at him, sending him into the wall again. This time he didn't try anything.
"Now we can go."
Back to Aang's rampage...
"Aang!" yelled Katara. He couldn't hear her. The wind was moving too fast. She was still trying, but she knew it was no use. She couldn't even hear herself at that point.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake. It was only mild at its beginning, but quickly became extremely dangerous. Sokka and Katara were scared, considering the whole place could crash to earth like a game of Jenga. Then the floor began to brake open. Only about two minutes after the ground beneath them broke open did lava begin to flow from the cracks! The siblings got the hint and climbed on top of some things to stay safe. After another two minutes, large, dark clouds formed in the sky. Rain poured down and thunder and lightning boomed above them.
After three minutes of that, Aang let out a soul shattering, teeth rattling, ear splitting scream. Then everything quickly went back to normal (whatever that world means in a world where people can control the elements and live to be well over one hundred years old). The rain ceased. The clouds left. The lava returned to the earth. The ground stopped shaking. And finally, the wind went back to its original state.
Aang fell to earth and opened his eyes to bare witness to the destruction and wreckage of the land he had created through his anger. Without saying anything, he opened his glider and left.
About a minute later in Aang's old room...
"In spite of all the danger," he sang from behind his guitar. "Spite of all that may be. I'll do anything for you, anything you want me to, if you'll be true to me. In spite of all the heartache that you may cause me-"
"Hey Aang." said Katara softly as she entered his room.
"Oh... Hey." he said as he walked toward his window.
"That's a really nice song," she said as she walked toward him. "Did you write it?"
"No," he said aggressively. "And before you ask, I don't know who did write it either."
"Well, you sang and played it very well."
"Thanks," he said as he fixed his hair. "But it's only three simple chords."
They were both quiet for a moment. "Katara, I'm sorry for... Back there. You wouldn't under stand."
They both sat down on his bed. "But Aang," she said looking him in the eyes even though he clearly didn't want her to. "I do. My mother was taken by the Fire Nation." They both looked at each other for a while. That is until Aang realized the lemur had made its way into his room.
"Hey there, little guy." he said gently as he approached it. "Aren't you a stupid little lemur?"
After that, Katara, Aang, and the lemur walked to Sokka who was on Appa's back.
"You caught our food!" Sokka said as he jumped off of Appa's back and ran to Aang. Aang simply held out two fingers and jabbed him in the stomach. "What was that for?!" he asked angrily.
"We're not eating him." he firmly stated. "He's my pet, and a member of our team."
Sokka stared at him like a mad-man. "But he haven't eaten in days!" he argued.
"Hey, the eat-your-own-hand idea is still on the table." Katara giggled. Sokka grunted and moaned the entire walk back to Appa.
"So Aang," said Katara. "What's his name gonna be?"
"Well," Aang began. "He's clearly stupid, considering he came back to his predator who was once going to eat him. Therefore, he should have the name of a stupid person."
"But Aang, we already have a Sokka in our group."
"Hey!" shouted Sokka.
"Nah," said Aang. "It needs to be even dumber." He pondered it for the rest of the walk. Then it came to him! "He'll be called Bill O'Reilly!"
"Ya know what?" asked Aang. "Even though Gyatso's dead, at least he left his mark on the corrupt Fire Nation. Gyatso was fightin' the power 'til the bitter end."
"What do you mean?" asked Katara.
"All around him was a bunch of skeletons of Fire Nation soldiers. That's the definition of badass."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." she said happily.
"Plus, it's not even that bad that we didn't find any Airbenders. I know they're out there. Now I have something to do. In fact, I've got a list: find a brotha, find some Afro Sheen, and find an Airbender. Then I'll be complete."
"...And master all of the elements, defeat the Fire Lord, and usher in an era of peace, right?" asked Katara.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. That too." He looked to the moon. "Well, it's time for bed, I guess." Then he looked at Bill O'Reilly and took off his belt. "Here, take this. If he-" he pointed at Sokka. "starts to stare at you, just hit him a couple of times with this. He'll leave you alone after that."
- This is the second time Aang references Sherlock Holmes with the "Elementary," line (even though, again, he never actually said it).
- Did anyone get the subtle joke when Aang said the whole thing about "While I do agree that it is rather foolish" thing?
- The song Aang was singing when the Air Temple came into sight was Robert Johnson's 'Sweet Home Chicago'.
- I said the thing about them playing tennis because the game was invented by French monks. It was originally played with a person's bare hand, but they realized it was too painful, so they started using rackets.
- The song Aang was singing in his room was "In Spite of All the Danger" by the Quarrymen, who would later to go on to become the Beatles. It was the first and only professional recording the Quarrymen ever made (with a cover of Buddy Holly's 'That'll Be the Day' on the other side of the record). I picked the song because it's a sad sounding song (especially if you've seen 'Nowhere Boy').
- Bill O'Reilly is a very stupid man.
For the collective works of the author, go here.