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|By Jeff The Hippie||Genre||Rating||Reviews||Updates|
|More from Jeff The Hippie||Comedy, Action/Adventure||PG-13||None|
|"It doesn't matter if I'm black or white. Cops hate me above everyone."|
Aang commenting on a previous event
|Imprisoned For What? What'd I do?!|
Jeff The Hippie
October 23, 2011
"Anything else?" asked Katara after seeing the small amount of food that Sokka returned with.
"It was all I could find," he said, clearly disappointed in himself.
"Come on, dude," Aang said while combing Bill's fur. "You're supposed to be a big strong warrior. Go get us some meat!"
"I'd like to see you catch something."
Aang stared at him the way he always did when he knew he was about to win an argument by exposing someone else's error. "I killed an elephant coy with my bare hands and you can't gather enough nuts to keep us fed. Nice try, though."
"What was that?!" shouted Katara.
Aang shrugged. "Let's go find out." They ran for quite a while until they came to a young Earthbender (older than them, but still young). Clearly he was a strong and talented bender. (NOTE: Several of you just giggled. Also, some of you don't get why several others are giggling.)
"We should go meet him," said Katara in a wavy purple haze.
"He looks dangerous," said Sokka, getting back to his old paranoia filled roots, "so we'd better approach cautiously."
"That's funny," Katara said smugly. "The last person you said that about wound up saving your life."
"Good one," Aang said, fist bumping with her. "Ten points for Gryffindor."
He thought about it for a moment. "Nevermind."
"Hey!" she yelled at the boy. Immediately and silently he ran away.
"Good job," Sokka said sarcastically. "I think he might be into you."
Aang high-fived Sokka. "Another good one," he said. "You guys are really on the ball with your snappy comebacks in this chapter." Then he pointed toward the rocks the dude had put behind him so he wouldn't be followed. "Onward, brothers and sisters. To the promised land!"
"Why?!" shouted Sokka as Katara and Aang walked past him.
"He's not running to nowhere," Aang responded.
"But what if he did just so he could throw us off?!"
"Fine," said Katara. "Aang and I will go and you can hold down the fort here and eat rocks."
"And another clever remark from Katara," said Aang happily (still not smiling, though).
Sokka still insisted that they stay. "How are we even supposed to get over those rocks?"
"Well, I dunno about you," said Aang. "But I'm and Airbender. I've got mad hops, man. One jump and I'm on the other side."
"So what are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying to say that..." He quickly grabbed Katara. "I'll see you on the other side, brother." He jumped high into the air and over the rocks.
"Hey!" Sokka whined. "How am I supposed to get over this wall?"
"Try climbing," suggested Katara.
"Aang, can't you just help me over?"
"What?" he asked. "I'm having trouble hearing you through the rocks. I think you're gonna have to climb, man."
"... I hate you both."
After a few minutes Sokka had finally made it to the top of the wall. From there he stupidly jumped down.
"At least you had enough sense to land on your ass," said Aang.
"Well, if you had helped me over I wouldn't have had to land on my rear end!"
"Did you even consider climbing down?"
"... Let's just get going..."
"I sure am glad that Bumi gave me some new clothes," said Aang. "These should help me blend in a little easier." Bumi had given Aang Earth Kingdom clothes, a new, much less beaten up top hat to cover his fro, shoes that fit in, and more powder. Also drugs. Lots of drugs.
"Hey, where'd Katara go?" asked Sokka, clearly a bit scared for his sister.
"I'm sure that she's fine," Aang assured him. "We can go look for her if you want." From within his hat Bill started squealing. "No, Bill," he began. "I'm almost certain that Barack Obama didn't order to have her killed because she uncovered his ties with the Russian Mafia... Where do you get these ideas?" Bill made some more noises in response. "Oh yeah, right. 'Undercover people'."
After a few seconds of looking around they came upon an open door. They looked inside, and sure enough, they found Katara. Inside they also found the young Earthbender boy and an older woman.
"Yo!" Aang yelled through the window to get the kid's attention. "Dude, you're an amazing Earthbender." Suddenly the mother's eyes went wide and she signaled for Sokka and Aang to come in. Once they did she closed both the door and window.
"They saw you doing what?!" she asked, clearly very angry.
"They're crazy!" the boy argued.
The mother didn't believe him. "You know how dangerous that is," she whispered. "You know what would happen if they caught you Earthbending!"
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Open up!" some dude yelled from outside. He sounded ferocious, as if he had eaten lots of fruits and vegetables when he was younger and grew up to be big and strong. Sokka and Aang opened the blinds a tad to see several Fire Nation soldiers standing in a row at the door.
"Shit!" said Aang as he shakily backed away from the window. "It's the po-po!" He reached into he pocket at lightning speed and pulled out a bag of pot. "Catch!" he whispered as he threw it at Katara. She caught it. "There. Now it's legally yours."
Suddenly one of the men barged in. He was jacked. And he had weapons. And he could shoot fire through his hands. Basically what I'm saying is that you would not, repeat, NOT wanna fuck with this dude. He looked like he spent all day working out, doing steroids and drinking those disgusting drinks that are supposed to make you stronger.
"What do you want?" asked the woman. "I already paid you this week."
"The tax just doubled. We wouldn't want any accidents to occur."
She handed over the money. He was just about to leave when he noticed Aang out of the corner of his eye. "Are you... White?" he asked.
"No, I'm a purple dinosaur," Aang responded. "My name's Barney. Dumbass."
"... Assault on a officer!" the cop yelled. He pounced on Aang and started kicking and punching him.
"Attica! Attica! Attica!" he yelled. It was to no avail. No one could help him. He knew he would have to take matters into his own hands. Aang punched the pig in the chin three times, making pork-chops fall over in the process.
He got up, spitting blood from his mouth. "You're lucky that I won't arrest you for that!" Porky said, trying to realign his jaw.
"I'd like to see you try to get cuffs on me."
The cop/soldier/racist douchebag stood and stared at him for a few seconds. Then he left with what little honor he had left. "I'll be watching you, whitey!"
"If you try anything on me I'll rip your fuckin' eyes out!" Finally the man left and Aang fell on his ass. "Man," he said, hugging himself in pain. "It doesn't matter if I'm black or white. Cops hate me above everyone."
"Aang," said Katara as she rushed to his side. "You don't look so great."
"What do you expect? Bumi just got finished throwing rocks at me. Now that asshole comes in he and beats me up. I'm twelve years old, and what is this?!"
"You shouldn't have come here..." the boy said quietly.
"Thanks for the heads up," said Aang from the floor. "I kinda figured that out for myself though."
"Why shouldn't we have?" asked Sokka.
"Once I saw you... Yeah, I didn't want word to get out about my bending but... I knew that if your friend came here... Well, let's just say that the cops aren't very appreciate of diversity here."
"Has it always been like this?" Katara asked.
"Of course not. Once the Fire Nation got here they got rid of all the fair cops and brought in racist, homophobic jerks."
There was a short silence.
"Do you think you'll be alright?" Katara asked Aang.
"Do you still have that bag I threw at you?" he asked.
"Yes," she responded, pulling it out of her pocket.
"Yeah, I'll be just fine." He stood up, pushed dirt off his jacket and jeans, took the bag and walked out.
"How long has the Fire Nation been here?" inquired Sokka.
"Five years," the mother responded. "Fire Lord Ozai uses our coal mines to fuel his ships." (IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.)
"They're thugs," the dude chimed in. He was very angry. You could almost see what he was thinking of through his eyes. "They steal from us and everyone is too much of a coward to do anything about it."
"Quiet, Haru!" his mother scolded. "Don't talk like that."
"But Haru's an Earthbender," argued Katara. "He can help."
"It's caused nothing but misery for this village. He must never use his abilities."
"How can you say that? Haru has a gift. Asking him not to Earthbend is like asking me not to Waterbend. It's who we are."
"You don't understand."
"I understand that Haru can help you fight back! What can the Fire Nation do to you that they haven't done already?"
"They can take Haru away like his father!"
As you can imagine, things suddenly got awkward, so Katara left with Haru and Sokka went to find Aang. Finally he got the bright idea to check the barn.
"Hey Aang," he said as he entered. "Are you fee- Aww, what's that smell?!"
"It's my medicine," he responded from atop a pile of hay.
"Are you getting high?"
"I call it herbal healing."
"I call it making the room smell like crap."
"I was here first," Aang debated. "Open a door if you need to, but otherwise you can leave." Sokka decided to just go sit down next to him.
"So, are you feeling any better?"
"Yeah, man. Inner peace, relaxed muscles; it's all good. How'd things go after I left?"
"Not well, to put it simply."
Aang nodded and combed his hair. "So you're saying that it would be a bad time to ask where they keep there Afro Sheen?" Sokka stared at him then shook his head. "What? I haven't used any in over a hundred years! My hair could use a little pick-me-up." After he had almost completely come down from the pot he decided to got for a walk.
"Would you watch Bill for me, please?"
As he exited the barn he grabbed his harmonica out of his pocket and started playing (for the first time since chapter two, I believe). As he walked through the town playing his song and waving to people he was met with no happy faces. Most payed no attention to him. They looked like they were too busy coping with poverty and depression to consider happiness. They kept their heads down and blended in with the scenery. They were dead inside. The war had already been lost for them. They saw no light at the end of the tunnel; just a black hole, sucking out all the good feelings they'd once had. Those that did mind him looked on him with terror as if they were mute or mimes but trying to tell him that he was in grave danger.
"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday," he began to sing. "The regular crowd shuffles in. There's an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin." He was in the middle of the harmonica part when someone hit him in the nose with his/her forearm. When he looked up he saw three cops, the one from earlier and two others.
Suddenly they were beating the crap out of him. Punching, kicking; everything. If he used Airbending he could easily knock them on their asses, but if he did that he knew he'd run the risk of them realizing he was an Airbender, or even worse still, the Avatar himself. He'd have to fight hand to hand. He started off with a speedy spinning leg swoop, knocking all three to their knees. He got up off the ground, his face covered in blood and bruises. (NOTE: FOR FULL EFFECT, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY LISTENING TO 'COP KILLER' BY BODY COUNT WHILE READING THE REST OF THIS FIGHT. IT REALLY ADDS TO IT. TRY IT.) The two in front of him got a powerful punch to the jaw, one of them losing at least two teeth. The one behind him got a swift kick to the jaw; Aang didn't even turn around to deliver it. Aang did a back-flip so he could look at all three at once. Since the pigs were taking their time getting up he decided to take a look around; everyone had retreated to their houses. There was literally no one left outside, but they were all watching through their blinds. When the cops did get up they decided to kick it up a notch; they started throwing fire at him!
"Hey!" he shouted at the people inside their houses. "Can I get a witness to this?" Everyone backed away from their windows. "I guess not."
Again, since he couldn't blow away the fire with Airbending he had to dodge the fire. It's okay, though; we all know how good he is at that. Too bad he wasn't used to fighting three at once; especially not when they're that skilled. His hands were already burnt and now his right ankle was too. He needed to strike now or never, otherwise he would burn to death and no one would get blamed. He ran away. For a few seconds the pigs thought they'd won and were ready to give chase. Then they saw him turn around. He ran at them like a stallion, dodging everything they threw at him. Like a gymnast on steroids he leaped into the air and put out he left leg. His sneaker connected with the pig's face and he passed out like a drunken Irishman. Another cop ran up to him, but he made quick work of him with a heavy roundhouse kick, knocking him out instantly. The last cop, the one from earlier, ran toward Aang, sneakily concealing something in his left hand and a fist on the other. Aang was fully prepared to kick the cop when he dishonorably threw a handful of dirt in his eyes, blinding him.
"You will die where you stand, whitey!" he shouted.
The cop punched Aang in the stomach twice, then in his left cheek. He fell to the earth and the cop kicked more dirt into his face. Aang stood up, hardly, then got punched in the back. He fell again. Aang knew he would die if he didn't fight back, but he couldn't see anything. Then it came to him. He stood.
"Die!" the man yelled from his left. He got him with a quick and firm side-kick. He couldn't see Piglet's face, but he assumed it was a mixture of fear, surprise, and overwhelming pain. Aang turned to him, jumped, and kicked him in the face. Aang cleared the dirt from his eyes and realized that he had won the fight. He dusted off his jacket and jeans, then held a fist in the air.
"Fuck the police!" he proclaimed. He went back to the barn after that. Once he got back it was dark and Katara had already returned.
"Aang!" she shouted once he entered the barn. "You look terrible."
"You should see the cops." From there he told them his story. Then Katara told her story about Haru saving the old man's life. He nodded skeptically as he pondered the entire story. "It sounds kinda fishy to me."
"I think you're jealous that you didn't save the guy."
"Just tell Haru to watch his back." After saying that he went outside to take his medicine.
The next morning...
"I don't see why I have to roll up all the sleeping bags," Sokka complained.
"I told you," Aang said as he did push ups. "Shame and discipline."
"Is that your mantra or something?"
"Ooh. I wasn't aware a big word like that would be included in your vocabulary."
"Nice burn, but I don't think this'll teach me much. I already know how to roll a sleeping bag, in case you didn't know."
"Ha! Clearly you aren't learning. You've been shamed enough, but due to all your complaining I don't think you're quite grasping the whole discipline part. Don't worry; we'll work on it for a few years and may-"
"They took him!" Katara cried hysterically as she rushed into the barn. "They took Haru away. The old man turned him over to the Fire Nation! It's all my fault. I-"
"Katara!" he yelled, knocking some sense into her. "You said it yourself that it's your fault, so let's get to work on making a strategy on how to fix this problem."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I already have a plan."
"In which case I will be off beating that old rat!"
"And," Katara said as she grabbed the collar of his shirt. "I'll need your help."
Aang sighed. "Fine. What did you have in mind?"
You all know how the plan works, so we'll skip the part where they explain it.
"I don't know how I feel about you going on that ship by yourself," said Sokka.
"I agree. It'll be very dangerous," said Aang.
"Stay out of this, Aang. This is betwee-" Sokka paused for a moment to try to remember what Aang had just said. "Are... Are you actually agreeing with me?!"
"It happens on some rare occasions; yes."
"Oh, well... See? The Avatar thinks it's dangerous too!"
She walked up and hugged her brother. "Sokka," she said. "I'm going be fine. Trust me." Then her attention went to Aang. "And why aren't you in white face?"
"Don't worry," he assured her. "I've got a plan of my own."
Everyone got into their places as the gestapo arrived. Aang's signal came along and he shot the air into the ducts, forcing the boulder into the air and tricking the stupid Nazis into thinking that Katara was an Earthbender. They took her away.
"Hey!" Aang screamed at them. He got their attention. They got angry.
"Yesterday was a whitey and today is a nigger," said one.
"Let's make an example out of him," said the other, cracking his knuckles and such.
"Ya know," said the first guard, "Just yesterday one of those smelly, fat, evil, dirty white pieces of shit mercilessly beat Kata Lyo and Ajna in the streets. He snuck up on them and beat them with poles. He took their money and left them to die in the streets. Luckily they were found and treated some time later."
"Oh yeah," said Aang sarcastically. "Beat me. As if you're the first. My wounds will heal and I will rise again like a mighty phoenix."
"Then maybe we'll throw you in prison!"
"Ha! I've been in there more times than you can count. I'll get out. I always do."
The gestapo's hands were tied. Then it dawned on both of them at the same time. The smiled slyly at each other. "Then how about we put you on the floating prison with the Earthbenders?"
He faked being afraid.
"Yeah," said one. "If you thought we were tough, just wait until you get on that ship." Then he grabbed him and brought him with Katara.
"Why'd you do that?!" she whispered angrily.
"What can I say? I'm a master thespian."
Katara was confused. "You... You mean... You're gay?!"
Aang covered her mouth. "First of all, no. Thespian: as in an actor... Damn, I really thought Jeff was above making those kind of stupid jokes. Secondly, even if I was, why would you yell it so loudly?! I'm already black! They're already gonna beat me up. They'd beat me even harder if I was gay too."
"Seriously, why'd you do that?"
"I've gotta protect you," he said.
She gasped and blushed.
"Uh... B-besides; I gotta get revenge for what those Nazis did to me. And plus I feel bad for my friend, ya know? I really wanna help... Uh-"
Aang snapped his fingers happily. "Yeah, that's it. I really like that... Uh-"
He snapped his fingers again. "Yeah, that's it. Besides, I'll be safe."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I brought this!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out some soap on a rope. "Trust me. It'll come in handy."
Later, on the ship...
"Earthbenders," the Firebender said. "It is my pleasure to welcome you aboard my modest shipyard. I am your warden. I prefer to think of you not as prisoners but as honored guests."
"Pfft," Aang said quietly to Katara. "Guests at his concentration camp." She just stared at him. "Yeah, I don't get it either."
"And I hope that you come to think of me as your humble and caring host," the warden said.
Aang started fake coughing. "* Cough cough* Hitler *cough cough cough*."
He stared at Aang in an extremely Hitler-y way for a few seconds. "Don't think for a second that just because you're a child that I won't burn you alive."
"Greater men than you have tried."
"Yes. I can tell by your skin."
Aang stared at his skin for a few seconds then finally got the joke. "I see what you did there. Good one."
Then they dragged him below deck. All the while Aang would yell at the top of his lungs "What'd I do?!" When they'd tell him he'd reply with "... Why're you bringin' up old stuff?" Three hours later Aang was released, beaten and bloody.
"Aang!" Katara shouted happily as she ran toward him. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." he told her. Then he turned toward the warden and gave the Hitler salute. "Heil Ozai!" Then he turned back around to see Katara staring at him, clearly confused. "It's a long story," was all that he shared with her on the matter. He took a quick look around the deck and quickly got saddened.
"What's wrong?" asked Katara, trying to make him feel better.
He sighed and sat down. "You know that you're the last black dude when you can go onto a Fire Nation prison ship and still not find a single nigga."
"Aang, don't talk like that," said Katara as she sat down beside him. "If you do people will start to believe those things."
Aang stood up and slowly started walking away. He looked over the side of the vessel at the crashing waves. "Oh, lighten up! It's just a joke. It's not like I actually mean it." He turned back at Katara. "Not that anyone cares anyway." Then he turned to the computer screen you're looking at. "Seriously, it's a joke. Get over it!"
"Who... Who are you even talking to?" Katara asked, very confused.
He sighed. "Nobody, I assume. At maximum there are three people reading this anyway."
They both got quiet for a few seconds.
"So," he said as he re-approached her. "What's the plan?"
"Oh... Yeah, uh-"
"You did come in here with a plan, didn't you?"
"I-I thought they'd have one."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Katara! If they had a good escape plan they wouldn't be here!"
He quickly realized how worried she was about this whole scenario. "Don't worry," he said, putting his arm around her in a caring way. "I'll come up with something. These pigs won't even know what hit them!" After that Katara introduced him to Haru and his father.
"You're still alive?" was the first thing the man said to him.
"Nope. I'm a ghost. Oogitty Boogitty!"
The man burst into laughter. "Ha-ha-ha! You're alright, kid," he said, chowing down on some grub. "Want some?"
Aang studied the cold, disgusting stew. "Uh, no thanks," he said, backing away slightly. "I'm fasting for spiritual reasons."
"You seemed somewhat surprised when you asked Aang about being alive," Katara analyzed, "Could you explain?"
The man's face went from happy to serious in a split second as he put his bowl down. "It's just that... Any black, white, Indian... Anyone who isn't Asian or Inuit... They never make it more than two or three days here."
"W-wait, what?!" You could see Aang's fear all over his face.
"Keep your voice down!" the father ordered. "Listen, it all depends on how much they like you. Do whatever they tell you. If you're lucky they may keep you as a slave."
Aang's left eye was twitching by then. "I'll let them burn me alive before I shine their shoes!" he protested.
"You may have to keep that decision soon enough," said Haru. After that Aang and Katara left.
"The living conditions here are terrible," Aang commented.
"You don't know the half of it," Katara began. "There's only one bathroom for us and it's deep below deck. On top of that it's freezing down there. Plus, we only get one bowl to use forever and it never gets cleaned, much like the bathroom. Worst of all they can beat us for no reason with no explanation. They are the law."
"You're preaching to the choir," he responded.
"So, what do you have on the plan?"
"Not much," he said, stomping the ground in disappointment of himself.
"I mean, scientifically speaking, there must be something they can bend."
"Mail!" a man yelled loudly. Suddenly a dude showed up with a bag and started taking out the mail and calling out names. The prisoners actually seemed somewhat happy for once. After a few minutes the two of them noticed Haru looking discouragingly at his mail.
"What's the news?" asked Aang. Haru just handed him the letter. It read:
I'm sorry to tell you this, but I've been cheating on you for three months now. It's been on and off with this guy for at least a year before that, though, and now that you're a prisoner, I think now is the best time to tell you that I'm breaking up with you. Just send me my picture back and that will be that.
"Wait a second," said Aang, attempting to make sense of the situation. "They don't clean your bathroom but they let you give and receive mail?!"
"I assume the writer needs to make up for lost time in the episode so he's filling it with an old folktale that first heard on an episode of M* A*S*H." Haru said sadly.
Aang nodded. "Makes about as much sense as anything else in this show."
The fourth wall is always best when it's broken, isn't it?
Katara was trying to hide her devastation. "You... Have a girlfriend?" she asked with a faker smile than Heidi Montag's.
"Not anymore, apparently."
"Oh," she said, much happier.
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"If you're interested," Aang began. "I've got a way to get her back so bad that she'll be punching holes in her wall for weeks."
That got Haru's attention. "H-how?"
"Simple," Aang cleared his throat. "Hey!" The benders looked at him. "Any pictures of your sisters that you guys may have been allowed to bring with you I'm gonna need to borrow. It'll only be for a little while and I swear you'll get them back." The benders were surprisingly willing to take part in the prank and in total Aang collected thirty-two pictures. "Now stuff the pictures into the envelope and write exactly what I say on the paper," he said. It read:
Congratulations on finding love. I hope you and this man are very happy together. However, I regret to inform you that I'm not exactly sure who you are. Please pick your picture out of the rest of them and kindly return the pictures of my other girlfriends to me.
Haru burst into tears laughing. "Thank you, Aang!" he said happily. "This is the greatest idea ever!"
"Don't thank me; thank the lazy writer. Without his dead imagination this "hilarious" filler wouldn't exist. I mean, the whole story is basically just political jokes that no one gets, meme references that no one gets and pop culture references that no one gets. I mean, seriously; I bet most people reading this don't even get that Bill O'Reilly is just a bunch of stupid real-life people rolled into one character. He was named after one of those idiots for fuck's sake and you still didn't get it!"
"Aang!" Katara yelled, slapping him out of his insane rant. "Who are you talking to?"
"I... I honestly have not the foggiest idea."
The day dragged on and Aang was no closer to coming up with a plan at the end of the day than at the beginning. He fell asleep, still with no strategy. Then, in the middle of the night, an alarm went off. Everyone was awake and in roll call lines in a matter of seconds. They made them stand there for at least two hours. They had to stand still and look straight ahead, which was almost impossible since it was freezing out. Those that shivered too much got beat. Finally they let them go back to bed. It was a terrifying experience.
In the morning everyone was even sadder than yesterday. Aang went to ask Haru's father where he could get a shower. He replied, "Seven days from now if we're lucky." He now understood how their spirit's had been broken. He had only been there for twenty-four hours he was already down. He was quietly pondering how to start the revolution when he was called in to see the warden. Everyone feared for him.
"I guess he didn't like me," Aang said casually as he walked toward the warden.
"Hello," said the warden (in a very sexy voice).
"Hey," he replied.
"I'm going to get right to the point here. I have a proposition for you; how would you like to work for me?" Aang dared not say anything yet. "As I'm sure you've realized by now, the Fire Nation can be more than a bit... Eh-"
"Yes!" said the warden happily. "Let's face it: everyone knows it. I want you to go undercover. Befriend the minorities if you can, then plant drugs on them. We arrest then kill them and everyone gets off clean." Aang was still too astonished to respond. "I understand that it may feel wrong, but consider this: what have they done for you? Besides... It'd be a shame if we had to send you to the gas chamber."
An hour later Aang emerged, goose stepping in full Fire Nation attire. "Heil Ozai!" he said with a Nazi salute. He walked past Katara.
"Aang, no," she whispered. He turned around and threw her to the floor.
"What did you call me?!" he blasted.
She couldn't believe it. Over the course of an hour he had done a complete 360 with his personality from Aang to Zuko.
"I called you by your name, Aang!" He slapped her hard across the face.
"That was my nigger name!" he stated. "From now on I will only be addressed as Adolf. Those who oppose that order will spend seven days and nights in the torture chamber with me."
"Uncle Tom!" Katara yelled at him viciously.
"Ha! If that was an attempt to offend me you will be thoroughly disappointed. I have fully and completely washed my hands of my black ancestry. I will be shaving my head of this terrible hairstyle and I am set to have a Michael Jackson surgery in about a month."
As he walked away she punched him in the back, so he picked her up in a fireman's carry and brought her to the torture chamber.
"No!" she yelled frantically. "What's happened to you?!" He didn't respond.
He kicked opened the door, put her down and locked it. When he turned around he found her crying at his feet.
"Calm down," he said gently as he went down to her level. "I was just kidding." She punched him in the face. "Ah!" he whined. "That hurt!"
"Don't ever do that again!" she ordered.
"I don't plan on it. I came up with a strategy, so I brought you down here so I could tell you it. If I told you up there, even if no one could hear us, it wouldn't look right for a guard to be talking casually to a prisoner. Ya see, with my new privileges I got a tour around the ship and devised the entire plan. We only get one shot, so listen up." Then he explained the plot to her. Again, you know how it goes, so we'll skip that.
The plan was set to happen in the morning. Aang was being tested as the only one on watch duty during the night, so it would take forever for the other guards to get there.
The coal crashed to the ground, waking everyone up. Katara only had two minutes maximum to rally the troops.
"Come on," Katara said to the prisoners. "With this coal we can destroy them! We'll win by a landslide."
"Nice pun," Aang commented.
The only one up for it was Haru. The guards swarmed around them.
"Surrender now," ordered the warden. "Or prepare to fight!"
Haru got a rock and shot it right at the warden's head. Once he fell Aang jumped to the rebel's side. The guards gasped.
"I knew something was up when there were no screams coming from the torture room!" said one guard.
"Come to think of it," said another, "We really should have suspected something when she got out with no bruises after and hour down there..."
"Attack!" commanded the warden. The Nazis shot a fire blast at the kids and the older Earthbenders shielded them. It was go time. ('Welcome to the Jungle' would go nicely with this next part. Just a suggestion.)
The Earthbenders were making quick work of the Firebenders. The gestapo may have outnumbered the good guys, but the good guys were much more skilled. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Aang noticed the warden fleeing from the battle. He chased after him. The warden was fast, but Aang had a strategy. He knew exactly where he was going and he knew it included steps, so he waited for the warden to get there. Once he was there he shot a massive amount of air at him, knocking him down the steps.
"Stop right there, warden!" Aang warned.
"Traitor!" he responded as he rose. He shot a massive blast of fire at him. Once Aang had deflected it the warden was gone. He had to find him. He ran around forever until he finally found him.
"This is your last chance to give up," Aang told him.
"Give up? To a twelve year old nigger? I don't think so!" The warden shot several fire balls at him, all of which Aang dodged.
It's getting hotter, he thought. That means we're close to the fires that make the ship move... And below that...
The warden used flamethrower, but Aang evaded the attack. Aang used gust. It was a critical hit! The warden was shot through a door and fell down another flight of stairs. Once he got up Aang shot him down another flight of stairs.
"If you think that simply pushing me down stairs will subdue me, you'll be sadly mistaken!" The warden shot a gigantic fire ball at Aang, but he sent it right back at him and followed that up with another gust of wind and sent him down another flight of steps.
The warden started to laugh maniacally. "There!" he said. "There's no more stairs. Where do you push me now, coon?!" Aang ran up to him and slid under his legs. He punched him in the center of his back and then in the back of the head. The warden was out cold. When Aang went back to the deck of the ship he realized that the rest of the pigs were KO'd too.
"I guess we won," Aang said. Everyone cheered happily.
"But what are we supposed to do with all of these guards?" asked Haru. "We can't leave them here. They'll just wake up and attack again!"
Katara thought about it. "I think I may have an idea," she said with a big smile on her face.
"What?" asked Aang.
"How many of them do you think we could cram into that bathroom?"
Everyone smiled evilly at each other. Anyway, that's exactly what they did. Every single one had to wake up in the smelly, disgusting bathroom. Oh irony, how we love you so.
Sokka saw the eruption of coal all the way from the village, and he took that as his signal to go get them. Luckily, it was.
"Listen, everyone!" Aang yelled loudly. "I must go now! My people need me. Take these ironclads. Go home. Rescue your village from the horrible dictatorship that is the Fire Nation. Fight the power!"
Everyone cheered as Aang and his friends left. Aang quickly noticed Katara acting sad and distant.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah... I'm fine," she said dryly.
"So Aang," Sokka began. "You kept the Fire Nation clothes?"
"Of course," he responded. "Who knows when they'll come in handy?"
- Bill's explanation ("undercover people") came from when the real Bill O'Reilly once interviewed the famous marijuana comedians Cheech and Chong. During the interview they debated about marijuana's legalization. Throughout the interview Bill constantly called medical marijuana a "ruse" and other such things. At one point he even went as far as saying that in San Francisco "A lot of hardcore drug addicts go in there and buy the pot and sell it to kids so they can buy their heroin and meth and everything else." When Chong confronted him on the matter and asked where he got the information he replied that "We got it from our undercover people." and went on to say that several marijuana clinics had been shut down due to all the problems.
- Aang starts chanting "Attica!" in reference to the Attica Prison riot. The riot was brought on by racial tension and bad living conditions. (I didn't notice this until right now, but what happens in the chapter is very similar to the riot.) Of course, the chanting of Attica in response to police brutality didn't become popular until Al Pacino's character, Sonny, chanted it repeatedly in Dog Day Afternoon.
- The song Aang sang as he walked through the town was Billy Joel's 'Piano Man'.
- Mantra, in case you're wondering, is a word or group or words that are believed to be capable of causing spiritual transformation. Basically, Sokka was saying that Aang constantly reminded him of why he made him do so many tedious tasks. Although mantra is generally used in Hinduism and Buddhism it has made its way into all cultures (kinda like karma has).
- This chapter, if I'm keeping proper count, marks the second time Aang and Sokka have seen eye to eye on a topic.
- If you're confused as to what gestapo or concentration camp means, look it up. I'm not Wikipedia.
- Is it just me, or did the joke about Aang forgetting Haru's name seem very Family Guy-ish?
- If you got the Team Rocket reference, I'll love you forever.
- The original ending was much more gruesome and included the guards being thrown into the gas chambers to die. In my head it sounded like a good idea, but as I began to type it I realized it sounded much darker than I had originally anticipated, so I instead went for the more comical approach.
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