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Fanon:Fanon Comedy Contest: The Quest For the Ultimate Ship!

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Jasmine Dragon
The Quest For the Ultimate Ship!
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Agent Slash


Agent Slash

It was another normal day in Ba Sing Se. The heroes known as Team Avatar were lazily lounging around inside the tea shop known as the Jasmine Dragon. As he lazily looked up at the sky, Aang grew more bored by the minute. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to start some kind of conversation. "So, guys, how about that new spinoff series?" he asked. He received groans and sighs from all of his friends. "What?" he asked.

"Is that a trick question?" Toph asked. "It sucked!"

"That's an understatement," Katara smirked.

"Oh, come on, now," Iroh said. "You are all just exaggerating."

"Get back in the kitchen, Uncle!" Zuko screamed.

Taken aback by his nephew's outburst, Iroh walked back into the kitchen.

"Well, surely there must have been something you all liked?" Aang said, trying to be optimistic.

"Well, I did kind of enjoy being involved with all of that shipping drama online," Sokka admitted.

"Yeah, that was pretty fun," Suki concurred.

"See? I knew it wasn't all bad," said Aang, happy that he had found something positive to talk about. "I know! We should all talk about which ships we liked the best!" he said.

"Well, my favorite was Makorra," Katara said.

"What?!" Sokka said.

"Is something wrong, Sokka?" Katara questioned.

"Yeah, the fact that you could support a ship as awful as Makorra!" Sokka replied. "Masami is the best ship ever!"

"What?! How could you say that?" Katara asked. "Oh, hi, I just hit you on my moped! Do you want to go out?" Katara said, trying to imitate Asami.

Red in the face, Sokka rebutled. "It was a lot more complex than that, Katara!" he said, angrily.

"Yeah, you are right, Sokka!" Katara said, sarcastically. "In fact, it was so complex that Mako completely lost interest in her after, like, three episodes!"

"IT WAS FIVE" Sokka screamed.

"Like that makes it any better," said Toph.

"Oh, and which ship do you like?!" Sokka asked.

"My personal favorite is definitely Borra."

"Why Borra?" Aang questioned.

"Because, anyone as tough as Bolin deserves a girl as awesome as Korra," Toph replied.

"Yeah, because that ship worked out so well the first time," Suki commented.

"What was that, honey?" asked Toph.

"Well, not only is Korra not interested, but that ship just seems too unrealistic," Suki responded.

"Oh, you mean like the way you survived the airship fleet during the finale?" Toph retorted.

"Oooh! Burn!" said Zuko.

"Oh, and just what is your favorite ship, 'Sifu Hotman'?" asked Suki.

Zuko suddenly became very tense. "Uh, well, I really don't think I should tell you mine," he said.

"Why not?" asked Aang.

"You guys might judge me," said Zuko.

"Oh, come on, Zuko," said Katara. "We might disagree with you, but we would never judge you."

Zuko took a deep breath before answering. "It's Korrasami." Everyone except Toph looked up at Zuko with wide eyes. "What?! What is so wrong with it?!" Zuko questioned his friends.

"For the love of Yue, man! How could you like Yuri?!" Sokka asked.

"You know what; you guys are all just close-minded. Korrasami is a wonderful ship, despite the fact that the two have almost no chemistry whatsoever!" Zuko retorted. "Anyways, what is yours?" Zuko asked, referring to Suki.

Suddenly, Iroh burst out of the kitchen. "Amorra is my favorite!" he shouted. Everyone looked back at him like he was crazy.

"Get back in the kitchen, Uncle!" Zuko shouted again.

After a few awkward moments, the former general backed away into the kitchen.

"Anyways," Suki started. "My favorite is Pemzin." Everyone groaned upon hearing Suki's answer. "What?" Suki asked.

"You can't like a ship that is canonically correct!" Sokka stated. "It's against the laws of shipping! Just ask any member of the Avatar Wiki! I guarantee you won't find one single Makorra shipper there."

"Hey! Makorra is romantic!" Katara yelled. "Isn't it, Aang?!" The Waterbender looked up at her boyfriend.

"Uh, well, I personally like Bosam-"

"ISN'T IT, AANG?!" Katara asked. She was now sporting her 'I'm completely calm' face.

"Uh, yes, yes, it is, dear," Aang replied, nervously.

"Well, at least Pemzin is better than Linzin," said Toph.

Aang was suddenly skeptical of Toph's statement. "And why is that, Toph?" he inquired.

"Because, Twinkle Toes, Jr. is too much of a freaking buzz kill."

"Well, I'm sorry he can't be as stuck-up and rude as your little bit-"

"Aang!" Suki yelled.

"Look, I don't care what any of you say, because Korrasami is the best there is," Zuko said.

"No, it's Masami!" argued Sokka.

"No, it's Borra!" said Toph.

In a matter of seconds, the once-peaceful Jasmine Dragon was now a fit of shouting and arguing. As the members of Team Avatar debated back and forth about whose ship was better, they suddenly heard the kitchen door slam open. They all looked to see Iroh wearing a 'Korra + Amon' apron. "I like to sing-a! About the Korra and the Amorra and the ship-a! I like to sing-a! About-a Omashu and an office, too – anything-a with a swing-a to an 'I love those two!' I love-a to, I love-a to sing-a!"

After a few awkward moments of silence, Zuko shouted at Iroh once again. "Get back in the kitchen, Uncle!" he ordered. Iroh silently went back into the kitchen.

"Guys, guys, guys, we need to stop this," said Aang. "I know! We can go around and ask everybody who their favorite ship is! Maybe we can determine which one is the greatest by doing that!"

Everyone else murmured in agreement.

"Flamio, hotmen!" Aang cheered.

After six long hours, Team Avatar walked into the Jasmine Dragon and plopped down on the floor. "Alright, let's tally the votes," said Suki. Everyone slowly got up off of the ground and each member took about one-hundred votes each. After hours of counting, the young heroes had finally tallied up their votes.

"Alright," Aang started. "We have 160 votes for Masami, 90 votes for Borra, 74 votes for Pemzin, 160 votes for Korrasami, 87 votes for Borrasami, 9 votes for Makorra, and 1 vote from Mai that says: "Go away, you stupid, secret-keeping jerk. I hate you all of the sudden, just because Gene Yang ships the most illogical thing ev- I mean, Zutara."

"Well, that is just great!" Zuko shouted. "Now it's a tie between Masami and Korrasami!"

"Wait a minute, guys! I know exactly who we can ask!" said Aang. "The only main, recurring, or minor character we didn't just run into on the streets!" Everyone knew who Aang was talking about and nodded in agreement.

"Alright, guys, we're going to the Fire Nation," said Aang.

Suddenly, Iroh burst out of the kitchen, yet again. "I'm sure whoever you are asking will tell you that Amorra is definitely the ultimate ship!" he said.

"GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN, IROH!" Everyone yelled in unison. Iroh quietly went back into the kitchen.

After several days, Team Avatar finally made it to the Fire Nation capital. Appa landed in the front of the palace and everyone dismounted. "You know, guys, I've been thinking," said Zuko. "I have narrowed my favorite down to two different ships: Onjimma and Jung Wu."

The rest of Team Avatar stared at Zuko, each one of them very puzzled. "What are you talking about, Zuko?" asked Aang. "Who are those even combinations of?"

"It looks like Sifu Hothead has been drinking too much of his own tea," Toph remarked. Everyone except Zuko had a laugh as they walked into the palace. The walked through many corridors until they finally came to a door with guards posted out front. Zuko walked up to the door and opened it himself.

"Be careful, guys," the Fire Lord warned. Team Avatar entered the room and saw Azula sitting there.

"Well, hello, Zu-zu!" she said. "I see you have brought some friends! Are we going to have a play date?"

"Azula, we have come to ask you what is most likely the most important question in the universe," said Aang.

"Well, according to the Avatar fandom, anyway," said Sokka.

"What is the best ship ever? We need your vote to decide."

Azula sat for about a minute before answering, keeping everyone on edge. Finally, after several minutes of silence, she answered. "Tahnorra."

Everyone groaned in annoyance at this answer. "Aw, did I lose the game? I want another turn!" Azula demanded.

"Come on, let's just go," Aang said. He and the others left the room without an answer.

The second they left, Azula grinned. "Suckers; everyone knows Amorra is my favorite."

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