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- I'm only halfway through the first book, so admittedly I haven't read too far into the story yet. Something that stood out the most about the story was the voice of the narrator, and their how we see everything through their thoughts. It's nice to feel the experience from inside the narrator's head, but I felt that you could improve the writing more by elaborating on certain parts. As it is now, the voice sounded choppy and telling us everything in the form of one static statement after another. Many times, it would've been better to: a)describe what's happening more, so the reader can visualize it better and b) talk more about how the character felt about a particular event. One can often guess how the character would react, but the right kind of description of it can still help the hurry. Right now, there's a lot of missed opportunities to get to know the characters better through their past and present experiences. --AvatarRokus Ghost (Message me • Read my fanon) 20:30, April 17, 2014 (UTC)
- I like how the author reveals the setting and events to the reader through timed dialogue, and his general writing style. The characterization of Team Avatar was especially well done and they do feel like older versions of the canon characters. After-the-world nostalgia fits well with OC-alligned elements here, and the plot twists involved with the introduction of the new world keep it exciting. Overall, it was hard to find parts to criticize, apart from occasional mishaps in punctuation. I was surprised, though, at how casually Team Avatar wandered into Cordeiba at first when they knew nothing of it, and some situations felt a little forced, but those weren't too significant. --AvatarRokus Ghost (Message me • Read my fanon) 00:16, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
- The effort and thought put into this fanon is phenomenal. The world created has so much substance that I can only nod my head and applaud. *claps* However, because of this amazing amount of new material, I found it a bit difficult to engage entirely - at least only in the beginning. But with good characterisation and writing I found it easy to adjust and enjoyed myself thoroughly! --Kyoshidude (Kyoshi - but a dude!) (wall • contribs) 04:17, May 10, 2014 (UTC)