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23 July 2014
Katara deals with the deep secret that she just wants to get out into the open.
Is it really a secret by now that I really like Aang? That I have such a deep affection for a boy no one knew even was still alive just a few months ago?
I've done so much with him. I taught him waterbending, we battled together against Azula and our former foe, Zuko, I've been doing my best to be his rock, getting him through difficult days. Some people may think "I'm just a kid" to be a cop-out, but he is right. He's not even thirteen and, going back to his days at the air temple, has had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Yet, he's still come so far. He's been able to confront his worries; I think back to when he still wanted to go after Ozai after the solar eclipse ended. He's fought Azula head-on, he continued to show a determination to earthbend even when his early training with Toph didn't go well, and he faced and overcame his fears of learning firebending. He's so grown up, and I am so proud...and all the while, he's been my best friend. He's been supportive of me at every step. He's someone who I too can rely on...
I haven't told him, but, I think - no scratch it, I know I have fallen for him.
He's so strong, brave, confident, and...not to get a bit dreamy here...he's put on some muscles during his training, and he's grown to nearly my height. Heh...makes me blush while I'm writing this. But before I let myself go off on a tangent dreaming of that physical form, let me just go over a few things we've shared...
I remember when he first told me the story of how he ran away, and I began to understand just how hard this was on him. It's not like every kid is used to having to deal with a world war while his people are completely taken away from him. It was then that I just wanted to help and support him every step of the way. It was from there that we became closer. Wasn't long that I started having more moments with him...the events while crossing the Serpent's Pass, it was from there that I knew Aang loved me. During his downcast attitude after he lost Appa, I began to realize how much I truly cared about him...but it was when he was shot down during the battle in Ba Sing Se that it really hit me. Never had I felt more of a loss, more of a complete pit in my heart during that time...
I realized I loved him. I had this desire to be with him.
I wanted him close to me whenever I could...yet I still felt self-conscious about expressing it, like when he invited me to dance that time he was hosting those Fire Nation school students. Yet, he just won me right over...such a smooth attitude and a great dancer. I just loved every second of that, it was so intense. What a thrill...dare I say, romantic.
Then before the invasion, when he kissed me...I realized again how much I wanted him. He was worried he would not come back. Then he just threw himself at me and captured me with his lips - oh, spirits, what a moment. Once I caught on, I couldn't believe it. He was kissing me...and I didn't want it to end. I couldn't let go - but he did. Between that and the fear he wouldn't come back, when he left, it just upset me.
I love him.
But why can't I just break the secrecy? Why can't I just let it all out? Why can't I just break his own fear, so moments like what happened tonight don't happen again?
Am I just too scared? Knowing he still has to end the war? Knowing I could still lose him at any turn? Knowing Sozin's Comet is still to come?
When he approached me tonight and talked about our relationship, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I love him so much, but this is something I need to keep. I wanted to just forget about what we had for the moment so we could put the needs of the world first. As far as I'm concerned, we could go on a hundred dates right after this mess is over. But for now, I would hope he would understand.
But part of that problem is on my words. What was I saying? I mean, "confused"? Are you kidding me? Way to make him think you don't like him at all that way! You're not confused, you could have just said you wanted the war to end first, he would have understood! No, you had to choke on your words and give...whatever you call that.
Ugh. This is a secret I hate keeping. I just want to go to him and tell him...but at the same time, I don't want to make that step and promptly lose him...
Love and war combined...they stink.
The only thing I can do is let this sit and wait...
As much as I don't want to.
The 18th day of the ninth month
- Credit for this idea - I was in a block, she helped me out of it. ^^
- "Secrets" was intended to be day one, but I crossed it with , which was intended to be this day's - hence, "Secrets" landed here.
For the collective works of the author, go here.