|More from Superflash101||Comedy/Satire||PG-13||Positive||None|
|Part 7: Wanted|
forgot to hire one
August 28, 2010
The inevitable 4th clash
fourth fifth sixth seventh part of the non-canon, satirical fanon comedy crossover Clash of Worlds 3 was written by Past, Present, and Future author Dudewaldo4 Child of Destiny author MightyBrit. Twilitlink Clash of Worlds 3 involves a crossover with the stories Better World, Kyoshi Revolts, The Phoenix Chronicles, Guardian, The Last Energybender, Wanted, Past, Present, and Future, and Child of Destiny.
Clash of Worlds 3 was deemed a definite third part of the popular Clash of Worlds series on Avatar Wiki's Fanon portal. Unlike the previous year, two new stories—Past, Present, and Future and Child of Destiny—which had been created after the first two Clash of Worlds were released, were added to the crossover. A general consensus was also reached on the plot of the series, therefore improving organization and planning.
The Clash draws to a conclusion... again
Black Lotus Home Base Edit
Azula laughed maniacally as she blasted her blue fire all around the room, trying desperately to end M. Night Shyamalan. Unfortunately it’s rather hard to blast a disembodied voice with blue fire.
“WHAT’S WRONG ASOOLEA?” Shyamalan taunted, “CAN’T BLAST ME?” Azula screamed as she filled the entire room with flames. A couple of minutes passed and the annoying, name mispronouncing, voice didn’t say anything.
“Yeah that’s right you bastard!” Azula cheered as the fires around the room burned out. “I guess Twilitlink does like me after all!”
“SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT ASOOLEA.” Shyamalan apologized, “HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM.”
“Apologize for your shit fest of a movie!” Azula yelled as she blasted another corner of the room. “Mitros would you give me a hand?” she asked turning to the villainous waterbender in the fetal position. She sighed before she turned back and tried to shoot another jet of blue fire from her hands. But nothing happened. “What the…”
“IT SEEMS THAT THE CURRENT AUTHOR DECIDED TO IMPLEMENT MY “NO FIREBENDING WITHOUT A SOURCE” RULE.” Shyamalan taunted.
“What why?” Azula asked Twilitlink.
“Because I still don’t like you.” The fanon author replied from his computer.
“Why don’t you like me?” Azula asked the author.
"I don’t feel like talking about it right now. Ask me at the end of the chapter.” Twilitlink said.
At that moment Lee Koisho and Choy wandered into the room.
“What’s going on in here?” Lee asked as Choy fumbled around, still stoned out of his mind.
“Shyamalan and Twilitlink are cheating.” Azula complained.
“What? You mean that poor excuse of a fanon author has allied himself with our greatest enemy?” Lee cried in outrage.
“THAT’S RIGHT LE KUISHU.” Shyamalan declared triumphantly.
“Oh hell no!”Twilitlink screamed in his defense. “I only did the no firebending without a source thing for a joke later on in the chapter. Oh and Choy you’re needed elsewhere on set.”
“On it.” The stoned firebender said before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“And Lee…” Twilitlink started in a threatening tone, “I’ll deal with that ‘poor excuse of a fanon author’ comment later.”
Ozai Mania Edit
Ozai and Jiang Rha had just finished singing ‘Can’t be Tamed’ when a loud sinister laugh was heard in the stands. The two wannabe pop singers turned to see Gao and Siwang casually walking down the stands towards the stage.
“I know this might be a stretch for you two idiots.” Siwang began while working two small rock spheres in his hand like stress balls. “But could you try to sing a song that doesn’t suck?”
“Okay.” Jiang Rha said as he and Ozai both started dancing as the music to ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ started playing, leaving the two killers horrified by what they were about to witness.
“We’re no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I…” Jiang Rha started singing. Ozai picked it up with, “A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of. You wouldn’t get this from any other guy.”
“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII just wanna tell you how I’m feeling. Gotta make you understand.” Both of them sang in unison before getting to the chorus. “Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.”
“Did we just get Rick Rolled?” Siwang asked as Gao cracked his knuckles.
“I don’t know but I’m about to be ‘Getting Away With Murder’.” Gao said as he approached the stage. With a loud roar both Gao and Siwang attacked Ozai and Jiang Rha. Even though Gao was unable to firebend due to a lack of a source, he was more than capable with dealing with the former fire lord. After he tore off both of Ozai’s arms and beat him to death with them, all the while saying “Stop hitting yourself,” over and over.
Gao turned to see Siwang jamming a rock down Jiang Rha’s throat and used his earthbending to expand the stone, all the while saying “Eat this you dirty hooker.”
“Uh Siwang, I don’t think he’s a hooker.” Gao said before taking another look at Jiang Rha’s ridiculous costume. “Of course I could be wrong. Shut up Butcher!”
“Well that was fun.” Siwang said as he and Gao left the two fresh corpses they made. “So now what do you want to do?”
“Do you want to go on a rampaging killing spree of all the worthless villains who haven’t done anything this entire clash?” Gao suggested.
“Sounds fun.” Siwang agreed, “But we’ll have to do so in montage form.”
Montage Killing Spree Across the Universes Edit
Hoshizu danced with joy as he had managed to remain on top of Onaga123 in the roster. As he danced a rock spike suddenly punched through his chest. The blood that erupted from his chest splashed onto the computer screen as Onaga123 took back the lead.
Meanwhile Gin, who had been cosplaying as Gin Ichimaru for a Bleach Convention, was casually strolling down the street when Gao appeared in front of him and cut him down his chest, then tore his arm off and stabbed him through his heart.
Lao, having seen Gao mercilessly cut Gin down, tried to avoid the crazy psychopath by cutting down a dark ally. As he turned a corner he bumped into Phoenix King Whodafuckyoulookingat.
“You?” they both yelled at each other. Before either of them could say another word two stone walls appeared behind each of them and slammed together, crushing the two kings into a bloody mess.
Shaoshang strolled through Ember Island while trying to learn a German dialect. “So I have to pronounce all of my W’s as V’s huh? Seems easy enough. Oh and I also have say all my words in an aggressive sounding tone.”
“Time to die Shaoshang.” Gao and Siwang said from behind him.
“Vhat? Vhy?” Shaoshang said trying his new stereotypical dialect. “I’ve actually been doing things in this vierd Clash thing ve’re in!”
“Because we’re sick of you constant changing dialect.” Gao said as both he and Siwang closed in on Shaoshang.
“We’ll get back to these two later.” Twilitlink informed the readers as someone knocked on his door.
“Yo Twilit.” Gao’s voice called from the other side. “I’ve got some things I’d like to discuss.”
“Be right there Gao.” Twilitlink responded grabbing one of the many weapons mounted on his wall.
IHop/Strip Club Edit
“So when was the last time you’ve been laid?” Giu asked Tengu in the strip club.
“Not since my wife died.” Tengu answered, “About 12 years ago.” Giu immediately spat his beer all over the women in front him.
“12 YEARS!” Giu yelled, “We need to get this guy to a hooker STAT!” Before Tengu could react Giu grabbed him by his shoulders and dragged him to the nearest street corner.
“Shouldn’t we help him?” Peter asked the others.
“Eh he’ll be fine.” Cheng said as he drowned his pancakes in syrup.
“Yeah I know Tengu’s type.” Mian said with a mouth full of bacon, “Mind numbingly loyal to one woman and woman only. Even when they’re gone.”
“That or he’s gay.” Hai said causing everyone to glare at him.
“Weren’t you burned to a crisp?” Bumi asked scratching his head.
“Moving on.” Ray interrupted, “I wouldn’t worry about it either way. Giu has an innate ability to scare hookers away at the mere sight of him.”
“Why he’s not that ugly?” Mina asks.
“It’s because as soon as he sees one he gets this perpetual “rape face” expression.” Ray explained.
Across the room B. Wokka was being forced to watch as Kanna [Censored] her [Censored] with a golf club, which she used to [Censored]Shiungi’s [Censored]. B. Wokka slowly pulled out a 44. Magnum and placed the barrel in his mouth.
Some Random Street Corner Edit
“AHHH! Rapist!” a group of hookers screamed at the sight of Giu’s expression.
“NO! Wait, it’s not for me it’s for my buddy here!” Giu cried gesturing toward Tengu.
“Ahhh! A bald serial killer!” The hookers cried at the sight of Tengu.
Back at IHop/Strip Club Edit
“See what I mean?” Ray asked.
“Yes I do.” Everyone said, when Mian stepped forward.
“Shouldn’t we get to fixing the worlds right now? I mean this is the last chapter of this clash.”
“Yeah this is getting in the way of my character development.” Blind Lee complained.
“Meh we’ll let the villains deal with it this time.” Cheng said returning to his pancakes, “I mean most of them are already at Ember Island where the ‘plot’ is.”
“Hey, where’s Perry, I mean Chen?” Kaila asked just noticing the Kyoshi Revolts Avatar was missing.
Random Location on Ember Island Edit
“Alright Chen I’m sure you’re wondering what you’re doing here.” Lu Ming began while Afiko and Katas waited patiently… Well Katas was waiting patiently, Afiko was trying to decide the best way to betray everyone again.
“Not really but go on.” Chen replied.
“Well if you’ll recall, way back in the first Clash, you signed a contract, essentially making you my apprentice and entering you into the Black Lotus.” Lu Ming began pulling out the old contract.
“Where were you keeping that?” Katas asked.
“Pocket dimension.” Was Lu Ming’s short reply.
“Like Link?” Katas inquired.
“I was thinking more like Solid Snake.” Lu Ming commented.
“Which you are no longer able to make.” Afiko taunted, right before Lu Ming blasted him several hundred feet away.
“Cough. That’s what she said. Cough.” Chen tried to subtly say. Unfortunately the ridiculously old airbender heard him and proceeded to stomp his crotch into oblivion.
The Jasmine Dragon Edit
At the tea shop every fanon character that didn’t get a role in the Clash were having their annual comedy night and it was one of the universe’s Zuko’s turn.
“My dad used to be a great man, you know before he went all “World Domination” on us. Sober he was a saint, drunk SATAN!” The Zuko stated getting plenty of laughs from his audience. “I mean I wasn’t deprived as a kid. I got to do stuff, I was a prince, I could do what I wanted. Whenever the family went out we would have fun. Then right at about noon, or beer o’clock.” More laughs. “Yeah that joke never got old. Well he would just start chugging them down, and he has the same problem with alcohol that I have, his personality just flipped. You know that actually might explain why he was such a bitch later in life. Maybe he was just constantly hammered.”
“Anyway I was about five when this started happening so I didn’t know what the hell was going. I just thought he had an alter ego, you know like a super hero. THE MOST NEGATIVE SUPER HERO ON THE PLANET, ANTI-DAD.” Zuko then took a super hero pose and spoke in a dramatic voice. “Where ever there is hope, I will stop it! Where self esteem rears its shiny head, I’ll be there to kick it in the testicles! And when he was like that no matter what I did it wasn’t enough for him.”
‘Hey dad I got a B in firebending’
‘But it’s not an A is it son? Now that the smile has left your face I’m off.’
‘Hey dad I graduated the academy.’
‘Well you didn’t come close to valedictorian did you loser? When your confidence returns so shall I.
‘Hey dad I’m hunting the Avatar’
‘Well you didn’t catch him yet did you?’
‘Hey dad finally killed him.’
‘Yeah well a real man would’ve challenged the Fire Lord to an agni kai, now leave me alone I’m off to destroy the Earth Kingdom.’
‘Hey dad guess what, a couple weeks ago I joined the Avatar’s team, I taught him everything I know about firebending then challenged Azula to an agni kai in order to become Fire Lord and won, And you just got your ass handed to you by my student, what do you say about that huh?’
‘… I think without me pushing you boy you never would’ve made it.’
Back to the plot…
Some Random Board Room Edit
… or not
Choy, New Lee, and Nikki each sat around a large table.
“How the hell did we get here?” Nikki asked the other two.
“I have no idea good madam but I dare say we were summoned here for a reason.” New Lee replied in his British accent. “What do you think Choy, old bean?”
“Don’t talk so loud man.” Choy said holding his head. “I’ve a splitting headache.”
At that moment the door was loudly kicked open as Nero stomped in with half of his shirt torn off and face covered in lipstick.
“What happened to you my good chap?” New Lee asked Nero.
“I’ve been locked in a closet with Mitsuki and Lian for two days.” Nero said while breathing heavily.
“But we only split into teams about an hour ago Dad.”Nikki observed.
“It felt a lot longer in there.” Nero said pulling off what was left of his shirt. “Any of you guys have an extra shirt?” Nero asked as he used his old one to wipe the lipstick from his face.
“Here you go good sir.” New Lee said randomly producing a shirt.
“Pocket Dimension?” Nero asked.
“Yep.” New Lee said.
“Cool.” Nero said sliding the shirt on. “Anyway the reason I called this meeting is because something’s been really bugging me.”
“The fact that our fanon authors seem to love putting us through hell.” Choy suggested holding his throbbing head.
“No.” Nero replied, “The fact that we are all considered villains despite us clearly being more in the anti-hero category.”
“What are you talking about?” Nikki asked her father.
“I sacrificed myself to bring the Black Lotus down, New Lee here’s been entered into an evil organization that he is seriously having second thoughts about, Nikki only joined the Black Lotus to avenge my death, which I constantly tell her to forget about.” He added shooting a small glare at his daughter. “And Choy is most likely only chasing Genesis to fulfill some personal mission that ultimately leads to him betraying Lao.”
“Nice try Nero but you’re not getting any spoilers out of me.” Choy said.
“We have the same author, I pretty much already know everything about your story.” Nero countered. “Anyway what you think about signing a petition to get the fanon authors make us anti-heroes in the next Clash.”
“Sounds fine to me.” Choy agreed.
“Sure Dad.” Nikki said.
“Sounds like a jolly good plan to me.” New Lee said, “But shouldn’t Blind Lee be here too?”
“He’s already considered a hero.” Nero said, “Probably because he survived his betrayal. Anyway we should probably get back to the plot.”
Back at the Black Lotus Home Base Edit
Azula, Lee, and Mitros were each in the fetal position as Shyamalan went on about all the changes he was making to Last Airbender 2. So far Mai was going to be a bubbly, dim witted girly girl, and Ty Lee was going to be an emo, masochistic ninja.
“AND TOEF IS GOING TO BE…”
“Enough already!” Lee screamed, “Please for the love of all that is good and decent in this world shut the f*ck up!”
“Seriously dude its bad enough you took away all of Sokka’s, Aang’s, and Katara’s personality, let my friends keep theirs.” Azula almost begged. Mitros was still in a mini coma.
“YOU TWO SHUT UP BEFORE I LOCK YOU IN AN ELEAVTOR WITH THREE RANDOM STRANGERS AND KOH.” Shyamalan warned, prompting the two to shut their mouths for fear of being in his next movie. At that moment a large explosion blew one of the walls open. When the dust settled Lu Ming, Afiko, Katas, Lian, Mitsuki, Pathik, and Chen emerged from the hole.
“What are you doing here?” Azula asked her son, “You’re not a villain.”
“Twilit thought this would help me get into the role of a villainous Avatar for the next Kyoshi Revolts chapter.” Chen explained.
“Fair enough.” Azula conceded.
At that moment a shadowy figure appeared before them.
“Shyamalan.” Chen muttered darkly as his eyes glowed brightly.
“CHUN.” Shyamalan said as he took a very strange stance.
“Die!” Chen yelled as he shot a large blast of air at the director. The blast knocked Shyamalan into the wall and stunned him for a moment. For that moment Chen stomped on the ground and kicked up a large slab of earth that he launched at Shyamalan. Before the dust could settle Chen went through a series of stances before a large amount fire erupted from his palms and shot directly at his enemy.
“He got him?” Everyone assembled gasped at the same time.
“NOT QUITE.” Shyamalan said as he emerged from the dust completely unharmed. “WHILE IT WAS A GOOD ATTEMPT CHUN IT WAS ALL FOR NOT. YOU SEE I CAN ONLY BE DEFEATED BY SAYING A CERTAIN PRHASE.” With that Shyamalan resumed his first stance as a strange ball of energy formed in his palms.
“Oh no! It’s the Directors Cut!” Pathik cried, “It’s the ultimate attack. No character, Fanon or Canon has ever been able to survive it.”
“So we’re boned?” Katas asked.
“Pretty much.” Lu Ming said as Shyamalan launched his attack. The attack shot towards the fanon villains, and Chen, and Pathik. But just before it could hit them a wall of black flame erupted between them, blocking the attack.
Everyone turned to see where the fire had come from and saw Nero, Choy, Nikki, and New Lee standing dramatically in the entrance.
“Are we late good chaps.” New Lee said with his British accent, killing the dramatic mood set by their entrance.
“How the hell did you make those flames?” Old Lee asked pointing an accusing finger.
“Special gloves.” Nero answered showing his new gloves to everyone. “When I snap a spark is made and I create more fire from that.”
“Like in Full Metal Alchemist?” Katas asked.
“Basically.” Nero answered.
“A GOOD IDEA NIROH BUT…”
“Did you just call me Niroh?” Nero asked, “Good God man what are you trying to do. Ship me with Iroh?”
“He better not be.” Both Lian and Mitsuki said rolling up their sleeves.
“BUT AS I SAID I CAN ONLY BE DEFEATED BY A CERTAIN PHRASE.”
“What are we going to do?” Chen asked the others.
“Deploy the Mecha-Koisho.” Nero calmly ordered.
Five seconds later the machine was there in front of them ready to battle. Shyamalan prepared another Director’s Cut while the Mech-Koisho said five simple and deadly words.
"Bite my shiny metal ass.” The machine said. Shyamalan’s expression went from one of victory to one of horror as his face contorted and he spontaneously combusted. The resulting explosion blasted everyone back to their own universes and all the dead back to the spirit world. (Talk about a Deus Ex Machina)
Fire Lords Throne Room Edit
“So why don’t you like me?” Azula asked Twilitlink.
“Well it’s not you personally I don’t like it’s your character.” The author replied, “I hate characters who have a mind numbingly large ego, a superiority complex the size of Antarctica, and when nothing bad ever happens to them. But then again you do go nuts during your fight with Zuko.”
“What are you talking about?” Azula asked, “I never went nuts”
“Oh right this version of you won. Great now I dislike you even more.”
“Oh come on!” Azula cried.
- M. Night Shyamalan still can't pronounce names.
- Mitros is still bugging out because he's wearing Fire Nation clothes
- Azula gets into an argument with the author/narrator of the story (me) in a similar manner the villains of the George of the Jungle movie... the first one.
- Lee Koisho still inserts a random name between Jesus and Christ
- He also calls Twilitlink (me again) a "poor excuse of a Fanon author" referencing the fact that despite the length of time he'd been writing, he wasn't a Fanon Admin. (and no, this isn't me trying to give any "subtle" hints, just a joke)
- For the sake of a joke and argument the author decided to implement Shyamalan's hated "no firebending without a source" rule.
- Ozai and Jiang Rha, Rick Rolled Gao and Siwang.
- In anger Gao says he's about to be "Getting Away with Murder" in reference to the song by Papa Roach.
- While Siwang is killing Jiang Rha he constantly calls him a hooker due to the skimpy bird costume he wears.
- Gao and Siwang killing all the "useless villains" was an idea originally brought up in the IRC meeting but apparently forgotten until now.
- Before he is killed Hoshizu is still obsessed with being on having the most medals.
- Gin was cosplaying as Gin Ichimaru from Bleach due to them having exactly the same first name.
- Gao even kills Gin in a manner similar to how Gin Ichimaru was nearly killed by Aizen in Bleach
- Shaoshang still changes his accents every now and then, this time taking a stereotypical German accent
- Giu tries to get Tengu laid after hearing that Tengu hasn't been with a woman since his wife died.
- Hai's still a douche
- B. Wokka's still having very weird visions of Kanna, and puts a magnum in his mouth, similar to how Stewie Griffon does so after his father drives him insane by sing "Surfing Bird"
- The hooker calls Tengu a bald serial killer, referencing his dual nature as an Air Nomad and a former assassin
- Lee Chun aka Blind Lee references how the author put the next chapter of Wanted, which centers around him, on hold in order to finish this chapter of the clash
- There are multiple references to pocket dimensions,
- In addition several games that use pocket dimensions are referenced, like Legend of Zelda and Metal Gear
- Afiko jokes that Lu Ming is no longer able to get a "Solid Snake", which is a very dirty pun for those who get it.
- Zuko's entire rant was based on the comdedian Christopher Titus' bit "Anti Dad"
- Nero made a comment on how he was trapped in a room with Lian and Mitsuki for two days despite only having split up an hour ago, referencing how it took Twilitlink two days to write the chapter.
- While talking with New Lee (who is still British), Nikki, and Choy (who is still stoned), Nero comments how the four of them are more like anti- heroes as opposed to full villains.
- Choy accuses Nero of trying to get spoilers for Twilitlink's other fanon
- Shyamalan threatens to lock Azula and Lee Koisho in an elevator with three random strangers and Koh, referencing the director's upcoming film 'Devil'
- Twilitlink decided to make Chen a temporary badass to reference Superflash's upcoming Kyoshi Revolts chapter.
- Shyamalan calls Nero, Niroh, causing him to question whether or not Shyamalan was trying to ship Nero and Iroh
- Nero wears gloves that allow him to firebend alla Full Metal Alchemist
- Mecha-Koisho's back
- "Bite my shiny metal ass" is a phrase commonly said by Bender from Futurama and is used as a Deus Ex Machina
- At the end of the chapter Twilitlink lists off all the things he doesn't like about Azula, and all other villains who share similar traits.
For the collective works of the author, go here.
|Clash of Worlds Chapters|
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7
Participating Fanon- - - - - - - -