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Part 3: The Phoenix Chronicles
Chapter information
Series

Clash of Worlds 3

Chapter

3

Written by

The avatar

Release date

August 12, 2010

Chronology
Last chapter

Clash of Worlds 3, Part 2: Kyoshi Revolts

Next chapter

Clash of Worlds 3, Part 4: Guardian

The third part of the non-canon, satirical fanon comedy crossover Clash of Worlds 3 was written by The Phoenix Chronicles author The avatar. Clash of Worlds 3 involves a crossover with the stories Better World, Kyoshi Revolts, The Phoenix Chronicles, Guardian, The Last Energybender, Wanted, Past, Present, and Future, and Child of Destiny. The chapter focuses more on the relationships between the characters, and their emotional distress, resulting in many rants. The Chapter, somewhat intentionally, did not contribute to the overall plot.

Clash of Worlds 3 was deemed a definite third part of the popular Clash of Worlds series on Avatar Wiki's Fanon portal. Unlike the previous year, two new stories—Past, Present, and Future and Child of Destiny—which had been created after the first two Clash of Worlds were released, were added to the crossover. A general consensus was also reached on the plot of the series, therefore improving organization and planning.


Overview

Everyone just says "f*ck it", and has some "fun" on their vacation/convention. Ozai hits the Pennsylvania, Waku hits the Strip, and Siwang hits them all! Zing! Meanwhile romances flare as everyone gets down, and then beat Chen up for his stupidity. Oh, and the rants.

Synopsis

IHOP and Stuff

"Ya know..all I ever wanted was some attention..that's all I ever wanted. I mean, I'm not a bad guy, right honey?" Asked Hai, sulking at his table, and not eating his chocolate chip pancake.

"Yes dear, whatever." Said Tia, taking another sip of her shake.

"...what did I just say?" Asked Hai, suspicious

"Yeah...that's right Mian ..take your shirt off..yeah..yeah.." Muttered Tia, watching Mian and the other guys doing their morning yoga.

"Tia!" Yelled Hai. "I thought we had something..special..."

"What? Oh right...look Hai, you're great..but let's all face it. This is just a publicity thing, and I want to do Mian soooo bad....oh god...oh god, he's f*king taking off his shirt...yes! Now, sweat you dirty little..."

"Tia...are you okay?" Asked Hai, scared.

"SHUT UP, KAI!"

"It's Hai..."

"That's what I said, Mike!"

Evil Motel

Jiang and Ozai: Ozai Mania!

"Alright, ladies, this is out for all the loners out there. You tried the marriage thing, didn't work, and so on. You guys rock! Anyways, I'm Ozai this is my friend Jiang, and we gonna rock this place!" And with that Ozai hit the Base:

"Wwwoooah yeah! nah nah nah nah nah..!" Jiang took the drums, and now they were dominating.

In the audience:

"Dude, best concert ever!" Random Dude One

"I know! Hey doesn't he look like that guy from Avatar: The Last Airbender? That was an epic series."

The music stopped.

"Did you say The Last Airbender was...epic?"

"No, no, the cartoon." And the music began again, Ozai took it to a whole new beat.

"GOODNIGHT PENNSYLVANIA! Oh. And for that one guy..who lives here..f*ck you, I'll sing whatever I want, so stop judging..me..oh god, what am I doing with my life? I mean, my therapist said this is a mid-life crisis..but seriously...you know..my dad never loved me.." As Ozai continued his rant on stage...

Tam Mee and Sly-Man: The FOOLISH FOOLS

"So, Mee, how do you feel over the religious FOOLISHNESS OF THE FOOLS IN BA SING SE?"

"I dunno, Sly, my mom's pretty cool...OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! THIS IS TOTALLY MY COLOR" Tam Mee was trying new nail polish, and she just found the totalllly PERFECT COLOR, WOW THAT DOES FIT HER...oh god, she's contagious.

"Wait, your mother is one of the leaders of Ba Sing Se?"

"Yeah, Sly, why?"

"Why? Why? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY? Didn't you hear my five hour rant over the foolishness of the world leadership..."

"Look..I'm not good with big words...but are you calling my mommy..stupid?"

"I can't believe this. This is the LAST TIME I try to make friends...*sob*..it's just me and the dogs now...I'm going to serve them FOREVER! Down with the Earth Kingdom! Down with them all!" With that Slythirin ran out of their room

"Okay sly, hey, how do you feel on "periwinkle" for my toes?"

Slythirin stepped back inside "Actually, I always liked "cornflower" but you know how it is.." with Tam Mee nodding in agreement.

Mitsuki and Lian: Politics

"What do you mean you support the war in Iraq?" Asked Lian

"Well, I just think President Bush was in a tough situation...and you know it was tough on the nation so..." Replied Mitsuki, mater-of-factly.

"No, Bush was a complete douche...you see he knew the economic situation of the.."

"Now, now, don't bring up the economic.."

"No, you see...you try that every time..if I don't bring that up..then no, come on that was the entire reason for the war..wasn't it...the oil, am I right?"

"What? No, come on...I think that Bush made a wise decision over the.."

Seriously? Wow. Well then.

Zhao and Katas: Stupidity

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"No. I hate YOU more."

"Hail the Water Tribes!"

"Hail the Fire Nation!"

God people, this is a comedy! Let's try to be funny, okay?

Main Lounge

"Ladies, Ladies, I know you can't fight it...but I'm taken." It was Lee K. again, talking to Azula and Ravena. He was looking straight at Mitsuki and Lian.

"Whatever, lee...hey...who are you...and where the hell is Lu Ming?" Asked Azula

"Haha...ha..ha..wait..what?! Seriously? Come on...I'm Ravena..the awesome chick that appeared in that one chapter of the Chronicles..with Jeong..come on? Oh and I think he had a heart attack like 3 hours ago."

"Ah. Filler. And yeah, that really clears things up over our overall leadership."

"I'm not filler! I'm going to play a big part in-"

Suddenly Jeong tackled her from behind, and whispered into her ear.

"Listen to me...you can NOT under any circumstances mention book 3 of the Chronicles..alright, we all gotta be cool as cucumbers...nobody can find out that you become a...Oh. Oh. I see what you're doing there. Yeah, you, you stinking reader. Well, forget it, no spoilers here."

"But..Jeong..you become-"

"SHUDDUP, BITCH! Look..we're in an evil convention..so if anybody catches wind about THAT, I'm screwed."

"Yo, dawgs, what you dawgs talking about dawg-diggity, yo?" Asked Waku. He was wearing some shades, a cool jacket and looking like he had to beat some idiot up.

"Waku?" It was Slythirin

"Yeah, dawg, wasssup man?"

"I don't think you should be messing up our name...we must stick to our policy of annihilating the other foolish villains, to serve the lord."

"Yo man, you gotta chill. Alright, that was what I call Act-ing for the Cha-Ching! Alright, you get me, homey? I got a house in San Fran, a mansion in NYC, and a sweet crib in Taipei. Now, there's an epic party on Sunset, man, and once them there..it's gonna blow up, man...awwww yeah!" With that Waku..I mean Prince of the West Side hit the big streets.

"Well, there goes another villain..come on, people, anyone here...actually evil? And Waku what's up with you?" Asked Siwang who strangely smelled like dead bodies? Weird.

"This is Clash, it's all comedic, with little to no continuity. Hey...like...didn't some girl die last time?" Replied Waku

"Oooooh, dead girl, where?" Said Siwang, across the street, Yugoda suddenly began panting rapidly for no reason what so ever. Entering Panic Mode.

"Shut up, Siwang! We need to plan an invasion over the....oooh, donuts!" Of course, it was Phoenix King Whodafuckyoulookingat.

"Ah, come on man. Enough with the Donuts. We need some for us, too...Oh, and there goes the plate." Said Dragon King Lao.

"Alright, maybe I can help here...look all we need is to just get an.." Supreme Fire Lord Azula began her rant over nukes and invasions and Spirit World and other shit nobody gives one about.

"I don't know about you guys...but I have to help "Prince" Waku, "blow up" this part-ee!" Yelled Slythirin running out of the Motel

Hotel La Hero

"Alright, young ones, now we must channel the power from our first Chakra to our second while focusing on how not to love and how angst-y we truly feel on the inside." Pathik was teaching an Avatar State class, joined by all of the Avatars.

"Master Pathik? We just sat down here..what are you talking about?" Asked Mian

"Dude, don't worry..sure Pathik's a little..out there...but he knows what he's doing." Assured Peter, with a nod from another Aang.

The doors suddenly flew open revealing Bumi

"And this is the Dancin Parlor, Mad-am." He said, with a wave of his arms, revealing Kama

"Oh my, this is wonderful."

Evil Villain Hotel-Randomly

"What, who?" Yelled My from his room

"My, shut up!" Yelled the majority of the villains, who were planning another plan to destroy the heroes.

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up!" My Yelled back

"SHUT..UP!" They yelled again

"Look..I said..." Began My, who suddenly broke into sobs.. "What have I done with my life? I was supposed to be the CEO of Microsoft, you know? My idea. Get it? Anyways......and I'm talking to myself." After sobbing for about two minutes...

"You know..my mom was never good with names..and I think that's where it all started. You know...*sob*..everyone thought I was a girl..oh god.." wow, this guy just sucks.

"Hey, man!"

Shut up, loser.

Back to the Hotel of Heroes!

"Bumi! Stop flirting with my wife!" Yelled Pakku

"She hasn't married ya yet! I think she was gonna make a stop at Omashu, right, little lady? Maybe we can...change the present?"

"Bumi!"

As the argument continued, the Avatars tried to channel their energy into whatever, while Pathik began to sing Kumbaya.

"So, how bad is the pain of seeing all of his friends die before him affecting this guy again?" Asked Peter

"I think he's entering senility" Replied Mian

"You know..I have to bring this up..The Last Airbender..wasn't that bad! Sure there were some minor setbacks but.." Chen began

"CHEN!" Yelled everyone from this hotel and the nearby Villain's Hotel.

"I PROPOSE A TRUCE...LET'S JUST F*KING BEAT UP THIS IDIOT!" Yelled Peter

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Yelled back a villain... Mitros? yeah, probably. So, everybody jumped Chen again. Yes, everyone. Even the fricking mother ((Farsi) from Child of Destiny. Yeah, they all hate Chen.

Where was Kaila this entire time, you may ask? She was getting comfy with a waiter...no NOT THAT KIND OF COMFY, you sickos! Oh wait...yeah, yeah, it is THAT kind of comfy. Well thank god this is just a comedic parody, geez people.

Sokka's Room

"Ah god, I f*king hate you, all. I f*king hate all of you. Oh god now...here she comes...OH NOES!!!!"

Sokka hit his head on the wall again. It didn't work.

Brainwashing Jet

So, that's when Kama began to [censored] [censored] [censored] and you know that's bad when the dogs begin to yell.

There was Kama and oh god...Kama began to [censored] the [censored] with 5000 [censored] so that actually caused lots and lots of [censored] which is why Sokka [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] and the pie went up into the air, only to [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored]and [censored] [censored]at the hospital while Sokka [censored] [censored] [censored]. His vision began to blur and Sokka was back in his hotel room.

"I hate you all....oh no...oh F*KING no..." And that was how [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored], a feat nobody would ever try again.

Rebel City Ruins

"Well, I have this here piece of hard candy, slick!" Yelled (the real) Kama, to nobody in particular. Each of the grannies were all just mumbling to themselves over apple pie and whatever the crap that goes on in their minds. Suddenly, they all got stiff, and looked at each other with suspicion. Realization dawned in their eyes.

"THE BABY!" The Grannies yelled in unison and left the City Ruins. Which, in fact, held 20 Rebels imprisoned under a land slide. They had been yelling and screaming the entire time. Did I mention, the grannies, and have lost their capability to hear?


Beating Chen Up

While most of the characters took on Chen, Hai dragged Jeong over to a side, and began to question him but not the ones you would expect.

"So..quick question...is it fun being evil?" Asked Hai

"Fun? Why..?"

"School Survey."

"Well, yeah, it's pretty cool..how's it like being a hero..?"

"It's cool..too..yeah." Replied Hai, who then left to get his turn at beating Chen up

"Wait..just a minute...there are no schools in fanon." Reasoned Jeong, out loud.

"So you talk to yourself too, eh?" Said the voice of My, with his body nowhere to be seen.

"My? Where the hell are ya, dude?" Yelled Jeong

"I'll never tell."

IHOP

"So, Mina...you wanted to talk about something?" Asked Mian, wondering yet again, why the crazy girl had dragged him over here. He was missing precious "Kick the crap out of Chen" time.

"Well, remember how you said Tia was dating Hai...and I asked you something..?"

"Yeah, look, I really don't feel like Sesame Street right now.."

"God Damn it. Just f*king take your pants off."

"What?"

"Look. I'll put it simply. In my own fanon, I have two main choices: Chen or Giu. I considered Giu, but because this is a non-canonical comedy he told me he was trying to score with the other girls. And I saw him and Ray and Katara AND Azula go into his room. I was rejected. By GIU! So, come on...please?"

"Look, I don't know what you want me to.."

"Fine, let me put it simply: I want to [censored] your [censored] all over [censored] and then we'll get in the fricking [censored] while that stupid little [censored] [censored] does her [censored], alright?"

"Well, baby, why didn't you just say so?" Giggity-Giggity-Goo!

Sadly for the two, Tia happened to walk by, saw what was going on and fainted. I guess this took the new love interests to the extreme, eh? Siwang thought she was a dead hooker until she knocked him out. And everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Chen. They didn't have a hospital to take care of him, but because he's the Avatar and chiz he can't die...so they beat him until sundown and everyone went to "The Golden Sun" for some Japanese Food.

Sunset Strip

"God Damn! This is the party of the century, dawg! Woah, is that Zooey Deschanel? Oh god, she's FINE! Hey , Zooey, The Last Airbender would be epic (er) if you were in it!" Waku yelled at the actress

The World and the party suddenly stopped in time. Everyone spoke in unison:

"Did you just say, you liked The Last Airbender?"

"No, the movie sucked on ice, bros and chicks, but Zooey was FINE!" Waku replied. Time moved on as thought nothing had happened, the universe was at balance again.

"Prince Waku! I have found you at last...now...as you can see..I have all of the bombs set...all I have to do is hit this button" Whispered Slythrin, revealing a remote control from his pocket, he had stalked tracked Waku down to the strip.

"Yo, dawg, wassup with you fool? You don't get me? Now, move over, I got unleash my lower east side on hers." Said Waku pointing at Zoey.

"Yes, but of course! That is the command, correct, sir?" With that Slythirin jumped towards Waku, and pushed him out of the nearest window. He then hit the big red button, and the house exploded. Waku stood and stared at the flames before breaking down crying, realizing his chance with Zooey was gone. Slythrin looked confused at his friend, and then with a realization he exclaimed:

"Ah yes, tears of joy, comrade. No worries, there shall be many more to come..."

"I hate you, Slythirin."

THE FRICKING END

Until the next chapter... O_O

Behind the Scenes

As he always tries to do, The avatar, tried to keep Clash as comical and generally dry as possible. Slightly differing from his predecessors he pushes into the romantic lives of the characters, to a comical level. Zooey's also back and here to part-ay (via cameo)!. The chapter was originally meant to be far longer, but was cut short, because comedy should be short and simple. There were a fairly large number of breaks in the fourth wall, per tradition, and yet again to a comical level. Per tradition, and due to it being similar to his own comedic style, there was very little plot development even within the chapter itself. He also wanted to leave open spaces for the next chapters, to give them lots of freedom, ending the chapter fairly vague without defining any ending.

The Avatar made sure to include interesting new ideas and made several (though minor) cultural references. Ozai and Jiang's "Ozai Mania" comes from the Abridged Series. While Waku's Gangasta attitude comes from..gangstas. Slythrin also turned a little more "masculine" after he got in touch with his feminine side, in the last chapter, this time he stalks follows Waku down to execute their plans.

Kama and the grannies also mention "The Baby" a running gag from Kyoshi Revolts and the previous Clash, where everyone believes Ray is pregnant. There was to be another section detailing how the grannies found Ray and Giu watching the "Nightmare on Elm Street: Christmas Special" with a cameo from Freddy. It was taken out due to its large length.

Also, there were mentions of various fanon characters even those who have yet to appear. (Phoenix King Whodafuckyoulookingat). There were also plans to include a special appearance by Zura's little sister, Hai's twin brother, and Tia's older brother; all of whom were meant to appear in the Phoenix Chronicles but were aborted due to the lack of plot, development, or time.

The jokes and hilarity continue at Clash of Worlds 3, Part 4: Guardian.

Reception

Read the talk page, idiots. No I'm not giving you a stinking link, go hit the tab at the top.

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