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Auk- Afraid of the Dark
Written By: Indira Sharam Poama
I hear voices in the dark asking me what happens after the Fire Nation destroys the air temples. The thing is I don't know yet. Plus, I'm scared to tell anyone my visions. Even if I told them there would be nothing I could do. They wouldn't believe a girl...
It begins the same every night, my thoughts spiraling in a whirlpool of fear. It doesn't make sense... yet.
The sound of glass shattering down the hall echoes into my room.
I feel so uncomfortable and hot that I'm sweating uncontrollably...
My memories are smoldering in the ashes of my shame. Why did I kill her?
I ask myself this un-intentionally as my mind flashes back to my sister, Amoura, she was the only friend I had. Not again... Please don't make me relive this... Oh, father... I have sinned....
The blizzard was moving in and we were out of wood for our fire. We were living in the northern state of the Air Nomad's Territories. Amoura and I were simply trying to hide from the bitter world that surrounded us. We felt helpless, like we had no escape. We hadn't eaten in three days because of the conditions we faced. The brutal winds shook our tiny shack back and forth. I feel Amoura grasping my waist for warmth and I hold back tears again.
Not a word is spoken between us. Amoura starts to moan in pain as her hunger eats away at her sanity.
I had no choice...
I couldn't stand to hear my sister crying like that. I began wrapping my sister in her blanket and covering her face as she screams in terror. I don't say anything. I don't have a choice. I can't keep my hands still due to the pressure of what I was about to do.
Tears pour down my face...
I pick up a heavy stone that surrounds the dying embers of the fire. Slowly walking over to my sister, I began to watch her struggle. She is choking in the silk threads of the blanket we wove together in the spring.
I drop the stone onto her head... The screaming stops abruptly... I bite into her, I can't control myself. I love the taste of meat. I love it.
I jump out of my bed so startled and groggy that I smack my head against a very hard wooden side table.
"Isak!" I scream flinching back and forth... I can't stop my hands from shaking... "Isak!" I yell again.
I want to feel like everything is okay again. Like the day I came to this temple and was able to forget about the evil world I had come from. I go to an all-boys monastery. They were full in all the girl's monasteries so they compromised and let me attend the Southern Air Temple, (the largest Airbending instruction complex in the world.) The temple has always been safe, it's not run like the rest of Air Nomad society. Here everyone gets a fair chance. They don't judge us. They love us. Here I am able to forget my past.
My dorm room door quickly opens and a figure rushes to my bedside.
"It's the nightmares! They never go away!" I cry again remembering the horrifying blood soaked blankets that surrounded my innocent sister.
"What are the nightmares about, Acacia?" This figure stares into my eyes and I can sense the fear that dwells in his mind. He is worried about me.
"About what I did before I came here!"
"You've got to let go of the past Acacia." He says. I sense his fear rising...
"I violated your teachings!"
"It doesn't matter that is in the past!" He says gripping my sweaty hand with his... This isn't Isak.
"Who are you!?" I yell. I was so scared and confused that I actually hadn't noticed that it wasn't Isak's voice I was talking to. Isak had chosen to take me as his own. He was the only family I had.
This voice was tenor, unlike Isak's low cooing voice, this voice was warm and soothing.
His face was hidden in the dark... But, I can see that his eyes are brown... Light brown...
"Audrick..." I say in relief. "Now is not the time."
"Pohkamutis" he says. That's a word from the land he was born that means... beautiful. Audrick is not Asian. I don't know what he is.
"Audrick please..." I say as he takes my underwear off.
I started to stare into his eyes and cry because I'm lusting for him with all of my body.
I'm supposed to be training to become a nun. This is not appropriate behavior. I'm very traditional... If it wasn't for Audrick's eyes arousing every inch of my body I would have slapped him.
The way he moves, the way he walks, he is everything I want. I kiss his lips... I want more. God damn I'm gonna lose my virginity tonight. I can't hide this feeling for the rest of my life. I'm letting go.
He feels me up... I want everything... I want it so badly now. My mouth is watering. His hands are so warm... If that dream dares to pop in my head right now I swear I am going to throw up.
"I love your name. Ugghhh. I love your voice." I kiss him over and over again... "I love your eyes..."
"EXCUSE ME!?" obviously Isak had heard what was going on... He stormed my dorm and ripped Audrick off of me... That's Karma for you; I get a few minutes of foreplay, then it's back to chastity.
"Oh my god." I mutter pulling my underwear up quickly to make it look as 'Monk friendly' as possible. "I am so, so, so sorry Isak! You have to understand!"
"Save it." Isak said. He grabbed Audrick by his arm since his hair was stubble and led him out of the room.
I couldn't help but laugh...
You see... It's not that hard to forget your past when you have so much to look forward to in the future. Maybe becoming a nun isn't my calling... Audrick is.
I laugh at my little joke.
I wake to the sound of Thai Gongs rumbling like thunder in the streams of air blown by graceful Airbenders. My bed is so cold without Audrick, I shiver, get up and stumble over to my balcony door and throw it open letting the warm beams of light strike my face! I love the south... I can't stop loving the tropical climate here. The air is nice and warm. The air is perfect for Airbending lessons! I refresh myself with some clean water then wash my face and hands. I wish I had my own shower... I don't like going into the locker rooms and waiting until all the boys are done and then waiting for them to leave, and then making sure none of them are spying on me.
But it beats that shack. The shack I had stayed in long ago was dirty, and full of waste. It smelled so awful.
I think of this right as I apply this cheap perfume that that the monks gave me from some place in the Earth Kingdom. I really wish I had one from the Fire Nation, I hear they have exotic perfumes that smell like cinnamon and ginger. I would love to get my hands on some panda-lily perfume. But for now I'm stuck with what they gave me, 'Plum Blossom.'
I better hurry to the locker rooms. The gongs have stopped meaning that we should head to class. I've never been late before and I'm not gonna start today.
My dorm is at the end of a long hallway, I skip down the hallway quickly and see that Audrick's dorm room door is open...
"I want to see what I missed out on." I giggle running to the locker rooms, three floors up.
The locker rooms are very messy and I would say could be improved with a few modifications. Each Airbender gets a little closet full of clothing, soap, towels, teeth care supplies, and of course a prayer bracelet. My locker was placed right next to the door, just in case I felt the need to scream for Dom, a monk who would beat the hell out of any boy who dared touch me. I strip down to a skimpy 'bathing gown' that I was asked to wear when I stepped into my very own soaking tub.
My soaking tub is full of hot water and is steaming with a relaxing mist as I slowly immerse myself into it. I'm all alone in the locker room... All is quiet. I wish I would have came here last night just to relax...
I finish bathing and primping myself and I viciously comb my hair and tie it tightly into a bun and make sure that every hair on my head is securely fastened to the binding.
I feel a warm hand coarsely rubbing my shoulder. I turn around smiling to see Audrick... wearing nothing... My towel falls to the ground as I follow his lead. I definitely don't feel the same as I did last night... I'm more than ready as I'm not thinking about everything I did when I was young.
As I lay down on the bench Audrick pursues me with a huge smile, he has a beautiful smile.
I want it bad. I feel so dirty. But for some reason I just don't care anymore.
There are no monks to stop me this time.
"We were born this way," Master Dom began his lecture pacing back and forth in front of me obviously horrified with what I had just told him. "The only way you will be allowed to live amongst us is if you make the choice to accept our traditions and our way of life."
"I'm desperate!" I reply. "I need to save myself, Master Dom. You don't understand the circumstances I have to face if I don't claim sanctuary in the monastery!"
I was referring to being stoned to death for cannibalism by the Air Nomad's Northern Territory Authorities. If I claimed sanctuary at a monastery the authorities would be forced to spare me.
"Acacia, there is no room and we are low on nuns to supervise at the Eastern and Western Air Temples. There is just no way..." Dom began only to be interrupted by...
"What about the Southern and the Northern Temples?" I'm drowning in fear and I'm now so nervous that my foot is tapping loudly on the ground.
"That is unheard of; a female attending an all-male monastery." Dom said only to be interrupted again.
"Dom, they are going to STONE ME! I don't really think that matters! I'm only fourteen, if I were a boy they would never punish me in such a brutal way! It's so unfair! Please you must understand that this is my only hope!" I say trying not to cry.
The authorities haven't caught me yet. All the proof they needed to prosecute me was the half eaten body of Amoura, and I was guilty. I spotted this man, Dom, in the marketplace buying fruit with a young boy and asked him if I could speak to him since he obviously was involved with the monastery. Now here I am, begging, pleading, and lost for words as my life lingers like a thread before scissors.
"Acacia all life is sacred. I will do everything in my power to save you." Dom said ushering me to follow him to his bison.
I will never eat meat again because the taste just brings back too many horrors. I take a huge bite into a juicy pomegranate and feel the sweet juice heal my strained throat.
I have to be separated from the other boys during lunch. It's just too hard to change the status quo. I eat with my guide, Isak. Isak volunteered to watch over me while other Monk's protested me coming here. I like having deep conversations with him, so I began. "Isak, how do you think the spirits perceive women?"
"They don't have an opinion on either man nor woman since they are both the same in the eyes of the spirits. Sometimes even the most religious people are blinded by stereotypes to see that." He replied.
"Well, how come men are superior and not women?" I ask another deep dark question. "If, we are supposed to model ourselves after the spirit's beliefs?"
"I don't know." He replies. "But it's not appearances that should define who we are, but our compassion for others who share life."
"Okay." I say having no clue at all what he means. "Why do you choose to view only 2 nations, Dark and Light?"
"Acacia, the four nations are huge weights that bind us to this world. Even the 'Air Nomads' have ditched their founding beliefs in order to gain control over others. The monasteries choose to view those who support spiritual worship as Light and those who would rather spend life chasing an illusion, Dark."
"Oh." I say making a note of that in my head. This was my new life. I was going to honor and believe what they taught since I owe them my life. "I have something to confess, Isak."
Isak looks at me again expecting nothing major.
"I do not believe that becoming a nun is right for me. I wish to raise a child when I turn 16." I say.
"I understand Acacia. I want you to choose whatever makes you happy." Isak said. "Are you sure?"
"I'm not." I say. "I love everything to do with the nun's way of life, but I love someone."
Isak nodded his head remembering last night and then asked me, "Are you ready for your confirmation?"
"I've never been more ready." I say.
"We will be testing for the title of Avatar tonight as well. Both sexes have an equal shot at the title. But it is something that you are born with. Its nothing you can prepare for..."
"What is Avatar?" I ask now finished with the pomegranate. The only reply I got was Isak's laughter.
The top floor of the Southern Air Temple was ravaged with strong winds... It was hard to hear what the Council of Elders were trying to say to me and I was very nervous that I would mess up my form because of the distractions. Airbending is an art that comes directly from the mind, if I did not focus my energy and model myself after the winds that surrounded me, my Airbending would be choppy, and weak. I needed to maintain a constant air flow, and focus on the air currents. This was a very complicated technique that I was given less than a week to overcome. The council of elders were seated high on a platform and were watching me with the greatest interest, as many of them had never before seen a girl Airbend.
My hair is tightly bound and is barely affected by the wind, but my uniform, that was reminiscent of a geisha's silky white night gown, flapped wildly about in the harsh air currents. I'm freezing even though we are in the tropics.
I take a bow... one reverent, humbling bow for each of the masters.
I take a deep, deep breathe, and try to maintain my breathing into a cycle that constantly flows. I start to think...
In, and out, just keep breathing in and out... Don't chop the air and let it gracefully turn circles in the lungs... In and out, don't stop.
My breathing is perfect. My uniform, hair, and stance is perfect. The elders are pleased and totally taken back by my reverence.
"Begin." says one of the elders, and I begin.
My hands gracefully cup in some of the air like I'm digging into the soil. My arms follow in a simultaneous movement that swings the air around me like a pendulum. I begin the circle walk... One wrong step would defeat the entire purpose for the Circle Walk. It involves the Airbender to remain in a constant walking movement while tracing a perfect circle with both of his feet at either end of the circle. Then I add in the hand movements to deflect offensive attacks. Airbending is almost entirely defensive. My hands turn like a fan and rotate like a potter mixing clay for his pottery...
I feel so free, and I've never felt so alive. I smile as I realize my victory. Two more steps, and I will have flawlessly mastered the Circle Walk. Step one... Step two... I stop my breathing flow, and bring my feet to the center of the circle in the final stance... I take a deep breathe and slide my hands gently in front of me creating a small air current going the opposite direction of the wind. I hold my position...
I look up at the elders who are speechless, awestruck.
"Let her be confirmed!" says the lead elder.
They all break out in a complete uproar over whether I should be confirmed into the temple.
I hold my stance...
The leader of the elders ignores their rebellion and announces loudly over the wind and crowd. "Behold, the newest addition to the Southern Air Temple! Let us welcome her!"
My stance breaks as I know I will be saved from my punishments in the world I came from. I'm crying, so shaken from this near death experience. The elders were taken back by my tears of joy. I know they must have thought that I did this only to claim sanctuary and save myself from my punishment. But now they see that I am here to forget my past. What I did was wrong... But that doesn't mean that the rest of my life will be stamped out because of it.
I am lead away by Isak, who is cheerful on my victory. "Acacia, that was better than some of our most experienced students!"
It hasn't sunk in yet that I'm not gonna die. It just seemed a little too simple at the moment... I was an Airbender now, and my life is going to be changed for the better, I can finally forget my past.
My train of thought was broken by the appearance of Xai... He was going to perform the most advanced Airbending form for teen students attempting to become a master. Xai didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the Air Nomads. He didn't talk a lot or laugh with the others. He spends most of his time preparing for this day...
Special Thanks to...
7. And readers like you; for taking your time to read my fanon. Thank you. -Indira Poama
Amazing, dark, definitely worth reading, despite some inaccuracies which can be hand waved away I give this five stars.
As Courage stated; there are a few discrepancies found, but the story isn't hung up by them and can be continued forward. You need to see past the ..explicit scenes.. to enjoy the rest of the story. EHP's first person perspective is handled well. talk • contribs) 05:44, November 25, 2010 (UTC)(
I personally liked it and I can tell a lot of work was put into it. It definitely caught my eye when I found it. Inappropriate content is one of things of the story that users might not like but other than that I wouldn't get why someone would hate it. It is overall a fantastic story and an awesome storyline.
This fanon is one of the good fanons on the wiki. Besides some inappropriate stuff (which to me shouldn't matter, as it is very vague) this is one fanon I am definitely going to read. Shadow Eden96 23:27, November 29, 2010 (UTC)
For the collective works of the author, go here.