|More from BlueDagger||Comedy||PG||None||Finished|
| || And this is Katara, my flying sister.
This article is considered humorous and should not be treated too seriously.
I was sitting in the bar, drink in hand. I sighed and took a sip of my whiskey. It was karaoke night again. Me, being the amazing singer that I so obviously was, always participated. I had won numerous awards for my incredible vocal talents.
Well, I might have had some help winning those awards.
If you define "help" as holding a knife up to the bar owner's neck and forcing him to give me the award.
But, that's beside the point.
That night was partner's karaoke night. And my far-less-talented-than-me roommate was home sick. Ha. Just found out he had cancer my ass. Probably just afraid of my awesomeness.
So, I was a the bar, alone, hoping that if I got as smashed as I possibly could I might be able to figure out a plan.
But, just then, a man walked up to me.
"Hey!" he said. "You're that guy who always wins! Looking for a partner?"
I looked him up and down.
He looked more talented than my stupid roommate, at least.
"Maybe. Are you?"
"Yeah. I've never done this before, but I am a great singer!"
I wanted to point out that he wasn't even close to as great as I was, but I let it slide.
"Good. Ready to win, newbie?"
But just then, a shadow fell over us both.
A stream of fire flew above us both, and a deep voice bellowed out
"NOT SO FAST. THIS MAN SHALL BE MY PARTNER."
It was my arch-nemesis, the Fire Lord Sozin!
I stood up.
"And what are you gonna do, huh?"
"I CHALLENGE YOU TO AN AGNI-KAI FOR THE RIGHT TO SING KARAOKE WITH THIS MAN."
The man had fallen over in shock at this point. I don't think he was breathing, actually. But alive or not, he was singing karaoke with me!
"WE DO THIS ON MY TERMS. KAMEEEEEEEE... HAMEEEEEEEEEEE... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
I was going to tell him that the Kame-Hame-Ha was Dragon Ball, not Avatar, but Sozin had already punched the floor of the bar. I stumbled a bit, and, as I looked around us, the bar began to shift and change.
Before I knew it, the entire bar had changed into a much different scene.
The Fire Lord and I were standing in the middle of an enormous canyon.
"WELCOME," Sozin said. "TO THE GREAT DIVIDE."
"God," I muttered under my breath. "The only episode that even mentioned this place sucked..."
But I ignored that.
"Let's get this over with, I've got a date with a karaoke partner!" I yelled at the man.
The insane, genocidal maniac began to cackle like... Well, like an insane, genocidal maniac. He threw off his cloak, and roared. As he did, a stream of fire came out of his mouth and both his hands.
I clapped sarcastically.
"Nice show, kitty. Purr for me some more, will you?"
He looked enraged at that.
"I'LL SHOW YOU NOT TO MESS WITH CELL- ERM, FIRE LORD OZAI. I AM PERFECTION!"
"You are such a sad Dragon Ball villain reject."
Angered even more, the Fire Lord punched, sending a stream of fire at me. He kicked twice, sending two more out.
I used fire to leap into the air, dodging the first. I jetted myself to the side, and used a fire shield to block the last one.
I chuckled, and began my attack.
I spun around with my leg out, sending a wave of fire at the Fire Lord. I then punched twice, and jetted myself into the air again. I did a wide ax kick, sending a wide stream of fire at him.
He jumped into the air to avoid my first attack, then punched at my two punch attacks, dispersing them. He created a ball of fire around himself to block my last attack.
He gathered his hands, and sent out a large stream of fire. I jetted myself to the side, and sent an equally large stream back at him, which he sent his stream at.
There were a lot of streams in this battle, I realize.
When our streams connected, they both dispersed. I punched, sending out more fire, and he dodged. I gathered fire in my right hand, letting a large fireball grow, and I threw it at him. I dove straight through it, clearing a path with his Firebending.
I just chuckled.
I punched the ground with both my hands, sending up two pillars of fire right beneath where he was standing.
He was flung into the air, screaming.
Sozin managed to regain his composure in midair, though. While flying through the air, he gathered all his energy together, sending a massive stream of fire at me.
I gathered all of mine, sending a stream of fire at his.
They connected, and a massive ball of fire began to gather where they hit.
We struggled like that for several boring hours, until I began to falter. His stream began to gain on mine, his fire overtake mine.
But then, I heard a voice in my head.
"Don't give up, Gohan!" it said. "Just believe in yourself!"
"Goku?" I said. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Oh," the voice said. "Sorry. Wrong show."
"Damn," I muttered. "There are a lot of Dragon Ball references in this Agni-Kai..."
I shrugged, and decided to do what Goku told me, right show or not.
I believed in myself, and used all my energy.
My ball of fire began to overtake the Fire Lord's. He gasped.
"What trickery is this?!" he yelled.
I smiled my beautiful smile, and sent the stream at him.
He screamed as my fireball overtook his. My stream of fire flew out so intense at him, it turned into a massive column of flame, going out of the very atmosphere.
"'TIS IMPOSSIBLE," he screamed as he died. "I... AM... PERFECTION...!"
"Thank you, Goku," I said, looking up at the stars. "For everything you do."
A moment later, I was back at the bar. I looked at the man, who had begun to regain some consciousness.
"Ready to sing?" I asked.
We took the stage, and asked the DJ to turn on Moves Like Jagger.
And, me and my partner sang.
"Mooooooves, like Dagger!" I yelled, as I finished the last line of the song. Me and my partner were given a standing ovation by the bar crowd. I didn't even need the knife that time. I held up my award, beaming. My partner tried to hold it with me. I kicked him. This was mine.
And that is how I conquered Fire Lord Sozin in an Agni-Kai, and won yet another karaoke award with my beautiful face and incredible talent.
- Dragon Ball Z references. I felt the need.
- I am a total narcissist in this. Not in real life, I assure you.
- I had a lot of fun writing this. Not sure of its "quality", but, it was a ton of fun, being able to write something as nonsensical as this.
For the collective works of the author, go here.