|By Agent Slash||Genre||Rating||Reviews||Updates|
|More from Agent Slash||Comedy||PG||Below||N/A|
| || And this is Katara, my flying sister.
This article is considered humorous and should not be treated too seriously.
|Agent Slash's House Party|
August 1, 2013
It was a beautiful August day. The birds were singing, the sun was brightly shining in the sky, and everyone was out playing or jogging or simply sitting outside. What was I, Agent Slash doing? Sitting in my room with the blinds closed watching Friends. I laughed as I watched one of my favorite episodes of my favorite sitcom. "It looks like Rachel and Phoebe certainly don't have unagi," I commented.
Talking about the word unagi made me think about an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender. "I wonder if that's on right now," I wondered to myself. I hit the channel guide button on the remote, which was already in my hand, and went to Nicktoons. Sure enough, Avatar was on at that exact moment. And it was The Warriors of Kyoshi. I changed the channel and began to watch. It was at the part where Sokka was trying to 'teach' Suki some moves. I watched as Suki defeated Sokka with ease and embarrassed him. "Yeah, show him, Suki!" I cheered.
I continued to watch, enjoying every bit of the episode, until I thought to myself. "I wonder if anything exciting is happening on the Avatar Wiki." I pulled out my laptop and turned it on. I waited about seven minutes for the blasted thing to load then finally pulled up the Recent Activity section. The only thing that was happening was people complaining about how supposedly awful The Legend of Korra was. "Nothing new. No wonder I left," I muttered.
"I guess I'll just head over to the IRC. Maybe something exciting is happening over there." So I donned the name of Suki Fanboy, the name everyone knows me by on the IRC, and set sail. I arrived in the middle of a truly invigorating discussion between Trill and Toph's Fanboy, whom everyone often referred to as Metal, about how annoying those damn Social Justice Warriors really are.
After following the discussion for about a minute, I queried my good friend, Omashu Rocks. 'Heyo, Omashu,' I greeted my friend.
'Hey,' Omashu replied. 'Can you believe the idiotic liberals that are holding office in our government?!'
'I know, right!' I replied.
The two of us often had conservative political discussions such as this, but before either of us said something that could potentially spark some angry messages in the comments section below, I had another thought. 'Don't you wish we could meet each other face to face?' I typed.
'Well, a lot of us use tinychat,' Omashu replied.
'No, I mean actually in each other's presence,' I typed.
'Oh, yeah, I guess that would be cool,' typed Omashu. 'But we all live so far away from each other. Some of us don't even live in the U.S.A.'
'Well, what if there was a designated area somewhere in America where we could all meet?' I replied. 'I could tell everyone to go there!' I typed, excitedly. 'They could all drive or fly or whatever!'
'I guess that could work,' Omashu replied. 'Okay, fine, we can give it a shot.'
"Yes!" I cheered aloud. I hadn't been this excited ever since I'd purchased my Best of Scatman John CD. I exited the IRC and went to as many message walls as I could. I posted invitation after invitation and, after about an hour and a half of posting, I finally turned off my computer. "Alright, they'll all be here in three days!" I said, ecstatically. Noticing my house was a mess, I leaped off of my bed and started to tidy up. "Oh, dear, I can't have my house this messy when they all get here," I said. It then occurred to me that I had to get busy writing the eleventy-seventh Slash Trilogy prequel. "There's no time!" I decided and continued cleaning the house.
Three days later and everything was spotless. I was so relieved I could finally sit down and stop ordering my personal worker minion to clean everything. "Boy, yelling at you to clean everything sure was exhausting," I said.
"Yes, master, I'm sure it must have been," said my minion. No, not the annoying, little, yellow things from Despicable Me!
Anyhow, I had just sat down when I heard a knock at the door. "Oh, goody!" I shouted with glee. "My first guest!" I ran to the door and opened it to see my good friend, Ultimate standing there. "Hey, Ultimate!" I greeted her. "It's so cool to finally see what you look like!" I could tell who she was, of course, because I had told everyone to wear nametags.
"Yeah, same to you," she responded as she walked inside. "So how many are you expecting?"
"Well, I'm not quite sure who all is coming, but hopefully it's at least ten," I replied. "Just make yourself comfortable." Ultimate walked into the living room and sat down on the couch as I anxiously waited at the door for more guests to arrive. I heard another knock at the door and opened it to see 888. "Hey, 888!" I greeted. "It's nice to see you!"
"There better not be any loud music at this party!" 888 shouted. "You young hooligans like to play your loud music, but I won't have it!" I was shocked at the man's words. I had never heard him speak this way before. "Sorry," he apologized. "When you've been around the wiki as long as I have, you develop a case of longtimeritis. It causes you to lecture other wiki members like an old man at any given time. I just came down with it a couple days ago."
Nodding to signify that I understood, I moved out of the way and let him in. The next person made an entrance that scared the living daylights out of me. A woman came falling out of the sky and landed in front of my house. I shrieked when I saw her land. She was dressed in Dai Li robes and was wearing rock gloves. "Minnichi?" I asked.
"Yes," she answered.
Omashu walked up behind her just moments later. "Hey, it's nice to see both of you guys in person," he said.
"Yeah, same to you," I replied.
"Sorry we were late," said Minn. "I was busy trying to brainwash the other staff members into adding a soft serve machine back at WLS headquarters."
"It's a waste of money!" Omashu protested. "Besides we all agreed that we were going to put in a hot tub."
"Oh, come on! Surely there's enough money in the budget to add a soft serve machine!" Minnichi shot back.
"Not if you want to keep spending Mondays the same way," said Omashu.
"How do you guys spend your Mondays?" I inquired.
"We usually hire a strip-" Omashu started.
Minnichi cut him off by shooting one of her rock gloves at his face, covering his mouth. "We discuss what we're going to include in the next issue," she said, hurriedly. "Come on, Omashu, let's move over to the living room." The two did so, leaving me alone at the door.
I was next greeted by two people who had coincidentally shown up at the same time: Metal and KFB. The two of them walked into the house and before any one of us could greet each other, something unexpected happened. KFB's body light up a dark blue color while Metal's lit up a dark green and mine lit up light green. There was a massive surge of energy that set off many car alarms in the neighborhood and then it suddenly stopped. Everything was as it was moments ago. Everyone else had moved in from the living room and was stunned at the phenomenon that had just occurred.
"What was that?" asked Ultimate.
"I don't know," said KFB. "What do you guys think that was?"
"It was obviously the direct result of all three of the fan boys, Katara, Toph, and Suki, being in the same room together. This is evidenced by the colors our skin glowed and the fact that all of us are now in the same room together for the first time. Furthermore, I believe-"
"Okay, we get it!" KFB shouted, attempting to prevent Metal from making him look stupid.
"Sorry, man," Metal said. The two moved into the living room along with everyone else.
The next two to arrive were TAD or Trill as we so often called her on the IRC and Arthur Dent. TAD was wearing her hipster glasses while AD sported a top hat. "Did you have to wear that top hat?" asked TAD.
"What? I thought I'd start wearing one. It looks stylish, doesn't it, love?" AD replied.
"Please, top hats are so 37 ½ seconds ago," TAD replied.
AD snatched the glasses off of TAD's face, causing her demeanor to change. "Well, no, I don't think it looks too bad, but could you please refrain from wearing it all of the time?"
"Alright, love," said AD.
"Hey, guys!" I greeted them.
"Hello," said AD.
"Hi," TAD added.
The next two people who entered took me by surprise. I watched as Lady Lostris and Thailog enter the house. The very second Thai entered, a bolt of lightning struck outside. And when Lostris entered the house, everything lit up. This was due to her bright, orange, flaming hair. It was sizzling and emanating a bright orange glow.
"Uh, hey, Lostris," I said.
"Hi," she said normally.
"Um, your hair is on fire," I notified her.
Without even looking up, Lostris responded. "Oh, yeah, it's always like that."
Unsure of what to say I simply responded, "Okay."
The two of them went into the living room just as the last of the guests arrived. Master Ratava entered along with SifuHotman90, who was equipped with a pair of shades. Next came Mageddon725 or Mage for short. Even Firebender896 had managed to make it. She entered carrying a notepad on which she was illustrating.
"Well, I guess if anyone else arrives I'll hear them knock," I said to myself. I shut the door and walked into the living room where everybody was captivated by something on the coffee table. "Hey, what's everyone looking at?" I asked.
"Thai brought his Young Justice action figures!" KFB said excitedly. "I wish I had Nightwing!"
"Aqualad is cooler," Metal muttered.
"Alright, enough with the action figures!" I said. "It's time to party!"
Everyone cheered as Omashu whipped out a CD. It was, of course, a Shakira album. Specifically the She Wolf album. "We can dance to this!"
"Ooh! We could have a dance off!" Mage suggested.
"A pants off dance off!" Sifu suggested. Everyone stared at Sifu who didn't even fold under the intense glares all of the eyes in the room were giving him. "Whatevs," he said. "I'll beat you guys no matter what kind of dance it is."
"You don't seem to understand that I am a rather experienced dancer," FB896 claimed. "I'll take you on, Sifu."
The two glared at each other as Omashu put in the CD. However, instead of a Shakira song, the track that played was 'Stayin' Alive' by Bees Gees. "I don't know how that got in there!" Omashu claimed. "All of my CDs must be in the wrong cases."
"That's alright. I can take him on no matter what song you play," said Firebender. She began dancing to the beat, swaying her body back and forth as gracefully as a ballerina and amazing everyone in the room. By the time her turn was finished, she had successfully served Sifu, but that wouldn't stop him.
He got on the dance floor and very poorly did the worm in the middle of the floor. Then he got back on his feet and made wave motions with his hands, followed by him rotating his arms in front of him, like something you'd see in an old 70's disco movie. He finished by striking a pose with him pointing his finger up to the sky and thrusting his other arm down.
Everyone was appalled by Sifu's dancing as it wasn't anywhere near as good as Firebender's. Everyone cheered for her and chanted her name. "Told you," she remarked. Sifu shamelessly adjusted his sun glasses and didn't respond.
"Alright, everyone disperse," I instructed.
Everyone did as instructed and flocked to different parts of the house to begin socializing. Everybody was having fun and chatting with each other. Some talked upstairs, some talked downstairs and all the while music was playing in the background. Although no one could predict which song would come next as all of Omashu's CDs weren't in the right cases. One conversation was between Minn and Omashu. "Okay, I've managed to get Ty on board with the whole soft serve machine thing," she explained. "All I need is one more vote."
"Omashu, who had had quite a bit to drink already, slurred as he spoke. "You know, that Dai Li cone hat really brings out your eyes," he said.
"Come on, Omashu, focus!" Minn raised her voice. "Don't get me wrong. I enjoy our... special Mondays, but I really just want to be able to have an ice cream during a meeting."
"You know, there's one thing I never understood," Omashu slurred. "Why is your fanon called Silent Hero in Emerald? If you l-look at the uniform it's really more of a jade color."
Realizing she couldn't have a rational discussion with her friend, Minnichi supported her friend by putting his arm around her. "Come on, you need to lie down," she said, escorting Omashu upstairs.
Meanwhile, Ratava was talking to TAD, Firebender, and Lostris. "Say something else, say something else!" Firebender requested.
"Why, of course, ladies," Ratava replied. "What would you like me to say?"
Witnessing this, Thailog and AD were raging with jealousy. The ladies were drawn to Ratava's Brazilian accent like moths to a flame. How could they compete? Thailog went over and interrupted Ratava, displaying yet another action figure. "Hey, Lostris!" said Thai. "You want to check out my Superboy action figure?"
"In a minute," Lostris replied, not even looking at Thai.
AD joined his friend in an attempt to get TAD back. "Hey, love, I've just come up with a brilliant idea for a Doctor Who fan fiction."
"Go away!" TAD ordered.
Both AD and Thai walked away in sadness.
"Now, where were we?" Ratava asked. The ladies squealed upon hearing his voice.
"So, you want to go get hammered to try and ignore the fact that our dates are fawning over someone else?" asked Thai.
"Oh, what the hell," said AD. "I guess so."
Elsewhere, the other two fan boys and I along with 888, Ultimate, and Mage were cracking jokes in a circle. "I'm willing to bet that M. Night Shyamalan's next movie will just be about him beating up pandas," I said. Everyone laughed at this. It was funny, because it was most likely true.
"So, what do you guys want to do now?" Mage asked.
"I'm not too sure," said Ultimate. "Anyone have any ideas?"
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Everyone looked in that direction as Firebender ran over to open it. "I wonder who that could be?" she said.
She opened it and on the other side was the one and only AvatarRokusGhost or ARG as we called him. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the admin with widened eyes. "Look at his beard," said Sifu.
"It's so gorgeous!" said Lostris.
"It's beautiful!" said KFB.
ARG coolly swayed into the room and asked, "Who wants to play a game of spin the bottle?"
"I don't know, isn't that kind of immature?" 888 asked.
"Oh, come on, you all know you want to," ARG goaded.
With that beard, no one could deny him. Everyone complied by sitting in a circle and grabbing a bottle from the kitchen. "Okay, who's going to go first?" I asked.
"I'll start," said ARG. He spun the bottle first. It spun around the circle several times until it stopped on TAD. The admin moved closer towards her, lips puckered out until he felt someone sock him in the gut.
"Touch my lubov again and I'll rip that beard off!" AD said.
TAD instead moved in and gave her boyfriend a kiss. "Nicely done, love," she said.
"Yes, indeed," he said, giving a look to Ratava who backed away from him.
While ARG moaned in pain on the ground, Mage was the next person to spin the bottle. He spun it and it landed on Firebender. The two moved towards each other, exchanged a small kiss, and moved back to their spots. Next, Thailog spun the bottle and, sure enough, it landed on Lostris. The two moved in and the music that was playing at that moment could not have been better. The track playing was 'Oh Yeah' by Yello.
Just as the two were about to close in, Metal came running from upstairs. "Guys, Omashu and Minn are making out up here!" Everyone immediately sprang up from their seats and ran upstairs and into one of the bedrooms to see a drunk Omashu and Minnichi making out.
"Wow, this is insane!" shouted KFB.
"And a little tasteless," Lostris said, eyeing me.
"What? It's not like I can control what happens here," I said. "But if it concerns you that much, then maybe we shouldn't get so excited and calm down."
"Uh-oh, bad news, Slash," said Ultimate. "It looks like they threw up on your Kyoshi Warrior fans.
In just a mere second, I snapped. I hunched over and donned the voice of the creature from the Lord of the Rings known as Gollum. "My precious!" I snarled. "They ruined the precious!" I bolted through the crowd of people and saw it for myself. "NOOOOOOO!!!"
"Nice Lord of the Rings reference," said Mage.
I grabbed the fans and ran downstairs to wash them while everyone else continued to witness the scene before them.
In the next hour, everyone was worn out. I bid farewell to everyone as they left the house. "It was nice seeing you all! I'll talk to you guys on the wiki soon!" I shut the door and viewed the mess that had been created. "Oh, my," I said, concerned. "I'll have to get my worker minion on it."
"I don't think so!" the minion said. "I quit! You can do this by yourself!" He walked out and slammed the door behind him.
"What?!" I said, alarmed. "I have to clean all of this up by myself?!" I sunk to my knees in despair and raised my fists into the sky. "WHY?!" I shouted into the night. When it had all been said and done, though, I felt as though this little endeavor had been better than I ever could have hoped. I couldn't wait to plan next year's.
- The joke about M. Night's next movie being about beating up pandas is based on a fake interview in which he said he was willing to beat up pandas if they wanted to challenge him.
For the collective works of the author, go here.